Hey fellas.
Tried to post some of the pics we took at Saturday's 20th birthday party. The site freaked out and gave me ten minutes of blank screen before telling me it had "encountered a problem" and needed to be shut down. So I'm giving that up for now. Anyone at Facebook can check the pics out there.
I'm exhausted. And sick of Mum. Seems nothing I ever do is ever good enough for her. I wasn't exactly expecting her to jump up and down out of sheer joy when spotting my tattoo, but then again, I didn't expect her to say "Don't bother, I've already seen that ugly blotch you got on your back" either, which was what she did. Dad merely said "Oh, right." I don't really know how to make her happy. I think I'm doing all I can do for her. Maybe I could work some more, I dunno. What she and a hell lot of other people constantly seem to fail to realize is that school takes hell of a lot of energy and time. Got exams next week and a report to hand in on Wednesday. Meanwhile I gotta pack all the stuff lying about the place so that we can move all my stuff this weekend. Geez.
Well, like last weekend, when we were celebrating my birthday at Mum and Dad's with all my relatives and folks, and Mum didn't even seem to be happy to see me. It makes me a bit sad. I know maybe I shouldn't complain. It's just that I long for the old times, when she was interested in what I did and encouraged me and everything.
Like my writing. Dunno anyone who's been more supportive about my writing in the past than Mum. But now that I tell her I would like to study writing for a while, maybe work with it in the future, instead of becoming a teacher and all that, it's like that support has just flown away, she just looks at me and goes, "well, that's not very practical, is it?" or "how do you suppose you're ever going to make a living out of that?". Sucky. Seems it was only okay to encourage your daughter when she was writing as a hobby, when it didn't do anyone any harm, not when she actually wants to make something out of it.
I'm gonna crash on the couch for a while now in front of the TV before I go to bed. You people hold your thumbs that everything works out with moving and all.
And everything else.
G'night.
Wow, that sucks... I know how you feel, since my mom thinks everything I like is a waste of time. I haven't seen for once until today that she supports me on something I might be interesting in. Well, she can be happy I guess. Here is the dauhgter she have created: Always on her own to live the miserable life that was set for her; you know, same sh*t, different day. I really admire you, you know that? Doing what you want when you feel like it. I'm sure your mom didn't mean to hurt you or anything. It's just that moms these days cant accept these kinds of hobbies because they're not used to seeing these things. You don't worry about that, she'll come around. =) I'm here if you need:P
ReplyDeleteI've yet to see my mom go the 180 and start saying writing isn't for me but my dad... he appreciates it as a hobby but overall I dont think he likes the idea, always a forced smile when i mention it and a mechanical nod.
ReplyDeleteSo I can sorta see what you mean Becca, but only sorta, I need more time in life to know for sure.
Also Becca I do agree that you do need a good job to fall back on, writing or not. Some writer's put through great works of art and they still have to go through the world as a normal person with little recognition and still having to work at another job. Personally I am gonna be a teacher and try to push my writing as well. I dont expect to be the next J.K. Rowling or Steven King but I do want a book out there with my name on the cover. :)
umm i dont know if your comments is related to beccas post (encouragement ..), because i didnt read it (time:( ) but from what i read here i agree, my dad doesnt like to see me behind a computer on the internet or playing games, all he wants me to do is study, and if you really do come to think of it, they do want the best for us, although they get reallt anoying.
ReplyDeleteand i like the change becca its very welcomming and warm :)
Wow, thanks everyone for taking the time to write such elaborate comments.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure too it wasn't anything my Mum was doing on purpose. But I'm sick of it, that's all. Like, I've always tried to be that person that they'd appreciate, be the orderly little daughter, you know? Never ask for anything, always manage my way on my own. And it's like it doesn't matter. My sis gets hell of a lot more attention whatever she does. I don't wanna sound like I'm envious of her but sometimes I don't think it's fair. My sis is into sewing and stuff, she can always present some sort of physical product as a result of what she does, and everyone's eager enough to support her to do something more of it cause she's "sooo talented". I show up with a poem and it's like it means nothing. It's just words to them. Nothing more than words. It's like they think it was the easiest thing in the world to write poems, like anyone could do it, same goes for stories and longer stuff too.
It's like I remember some glorious time in the past when it was okay to put a lot of focus on your writing, and now that border's been crossed, and I might as well quit it. That's the image I get. My writing is my everything, it means the whole wide world to me... Is it so strange that I'd like my family to see how important it is for me too?
Bad seed, THANK YOU so much for saying that. I never pictured myself like someone who did what they wanted whenever they wanted. In fact most of the time I feel like all I'm doing is following some plan already set out for me, too cautious to leave the path. I'm glad you don't see me this way.
Ryan. I recognize that mechanical nod and everything. That's what my Dad does too. Mum at least sometimes ask questions about what I'm writing. I'm not saying I'd like her to be overwhelmingly interested, but if sometimes she'd take the time to talk to me about it, that'd be all fine with me.
I know what I should be doing is aim to get a good job and then see whatever time I get over for writing. I know that. It was my plan too. Finish my education, start teaching, write whenever I could until maybe someday I could make a living out of it. But now that I've got a taste of what it means to teach, it feels as if I already know being a teacher is gonna take all the energy I got. There's not gonna be any time left over. And it feels like it doesn't matter what education I have or what job I have, long as I can write properly. I wanna make writing my living! I don't wanna constantly prioritize other stuff. You know what I'm saying?
Like since Nanowrimo ended, I haven't touched my novel, and it's been almost two weeks, simply cause there's no time. I hate it. And I go thinking that whatever you dream of you can do it. I don't wanna look back on my own life when I'm old and say "well I lived my life allright, a shame I never chased my dream though, it might have become something". I wanna be the one who everyone remembers as the one who went after her dream.
I don't care how naive it sounds. I'm just saying what I'd really really like to do in an ideal world.
Amin, seems you're in the same position as me. What's the matter with everyone's parents? Sure makes you go thinking that you're gonna support your kids whenever you get any and all that sort of stuff. I know they want what's best for us, only problem is that sometimes they don't know what that is. Thanks for liking the change of the site :P
I think I just broke the record of longest comment ever... :D