Monday, November 28

A Word Or A Feeling

Let's pretend I've grown out of disappointment
Let's pretend I'm too old to be naive
That I embrace the rational
Let's pretend that's me

Is disappointment a word or a feeling
Does it have meaning
Is it nothing but the bitter taste in your mouth
The taste of sour on your lips and on your tongue
Is it just the air going down your lungs
Every time you breathe
Just a little less air

Can you say your heart was painted by the feeling
From the inside and out, drowning in paint
Can you say you understand me
When I try to describe how I feel
Or are you just a portrait on the wall
Without thought or feeling at all

Did you smell those chrysant flowers
Did you smell the ocean waves
Did you ever expect more than the world
currently had on display for you
And did you see them,
when they tore it all away
Under your feet

Or did you read about disappointment in a dictionary
Was it explained to you in descriptive words
Did they show you pictures, and play you interviews
With everyone who had ever had the feeling
And do you remember what they said to you

Aren't they just whispers when they whisper from the dark
Aren't they just drifting sound that you interpret
Aren't they just screaming voices in your mind
When you try to silence them, every time
They resurface

I can't embrace what reason and rhyme tells me to believe
I only believe what I see and what I feel as real
When my heart burns and aches with pain,
born and raised in the disappointment game
My mind can tell it to quiet down and to control itself
My mind can even convince my heart that the mind is right
But I can't change what is felt in the heart
When logic and chaos crash together,
and fall apart

Let's pretend I've grown out of disappointment
It's a fun game, isn't it, built on lies
One of the games that every adult plays
A game that doesn't improve with time
Let's pretend I've embraced the rational
But I can't agree

That sense alone is enough
to silence me

4 comments:

  1. "Let's pretend I've grown out of disappointment
    Let's pretend I'm too old to be naive
    That I embrace the rational
    Let's pretend that's me"

    "My mind can tell it to quiet down and to control itself
    My mind can even convince my heart that the mind is right
    But I can't change what is felt in the heart
    When logic and chaos crash together,
    and fall apart"

    the first lines just hit me, but the last lines I quoted are the ones that I agree with, the ones that are true to me as well.

    I hope nothing too bad happened?

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  2. Thank you. I'm glad you can recognize yourself in lines I write, even if they are depressing like these, that means the message got through. ^^

    No, it's quite alright. My heart has quieted down and reason won it over, but I'd still like things to look a bit more up. It was just that I had looked forward so much to going home and celebrating my birthday in advance with my family and nothing went like planned, it doesn't feel like a celebration at all :( It was a long time ago that I was turning 10 and got birthday cake in bed and couldn't sleep out of all the excitement. Ah, I'm just nostalgic because now that I'm grown up, I'm not supposed to find it a big deal, but there's a little part of me who really does. :/

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  3. things like that can really be upsetting though. I still find it disappointing to get only few gifts for Christmas because there's still part of me that wants tons and tons of them... So I know what you're talking about. I hope you'll get a chance to celebrate your birthday a bit later with your family, if not in advance.

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  4. Yeah, Mom and Grandma are coming to visit when it's around my birthday. And then I'll be getting at least one more gift, from my grandparents ;)

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