Things are stressed like hell, the final presentation of our game is on Friday, and I have to pack my entire apartment during the weekend and miss school on Monday in order to move to the new place, while Monday is the day when our new courses start and we have to have the game and all the other reports and stuff sent in by Wednesday at the latest. It's hard to focus on anything really, when my mind is flying like this, I just can't concentrate on the slightest thing... also I am worried sick, not only for the friends of the family that I got news about yesterday, but worried sick because I seem to have lost my touch with writing. There's just nothing there, nothing at all, no ideas, no stories, no poems, there's nothing, everything I write sounds completely off... perhaps the first real case of writer's block that I've ever really experienced. It's not so much the time that's passed as that I have to force it, and when I do I'm not happy with how it sounds. I wonder to myself, when did I become so critical of my own things? I keep returning to the thought that rewriting one of my old novels for publishing purposes would be the best way to go about it. The poetry is fine, or theoretically at least. I can always force at least a couple of lines of that... but I miss prose, and I miss being so into it that everything else ceases to exist. Is this what happens when your focus is relocated to the visual media? Why in that case, has it never affected me this way before? The way it used to be, I used to find novelling a necessary escape, and a relief, even, from the real world, but now it just feels like it's another burden, and not even writing stories seems to be fun anymore.
My bet is that once the stress is lowered, around some time next week, and I get installed into my new place, the juices will start flowing and I really hope that is what's going to happen. We'll see. I don't really have the time to think very much about it (which probably is a sign of stress itself).
Either way, even writing these ranting entries at least keeps the language working, so you might be looking at a lot of these posts for a while, but it doesn't really matter since I'm not really writing them for your sake (you'll have to excuse me) and therefore you don't have to bother reading them. Just keep an eye out for some real material once that gets up here again.
Too much things on my mind...
Something cool though is that two of the promotional assignments I made for the game got chosen to represent it. Surprising but happily surprising.
I really should be writing the log book or the report rather than this.
POET IN THE JAR
stress really destroys inspiration. I'm surprised I had energy today to write two pieces, I'm glad I had though. but at times like this, when studying takes 12 hours out of 16, I must focus on school and let the writing retreat a bit. It'll wait for me, I hope. the thing I'm worried about is that I write so much in English these days, hardly anything in Finnish. I like English but I love Finnish, that's the thing. I don't know, maybe it's just a choice I have to make and choose to write in Finnish instead of English.
ReplyDeletesigh I'm so sressed out. why do I have to think about unnecessary stuff at times like this too?
...I'm very understanding and supporting, aren't I.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the writing spirit hasn't disappeared from you, you're just too stressed out and focused on other things. Writing is natural to people like us, it won't go away for long.