The Hammer

All these images of you
All these connections
And strange associations
I thought I had assassinated
Every thought of you, for now
Thought I had eliminated
Every image of you, for now

But the sight of a streetlight can hammer into my chest
Pounding, beating, every mile into my heart
Every minute ticking down, like time does best
Clubbing, whacking, deep angst into art
I channel the voices, channel the words
My only means of protest
And what I do best

These thoughts are too brittle
To withstand my inspection
My inward reflection
I thought I was in control
Of my treacherous self, for now
I thought I had a hold
On my traitorous self, for now

But the sight of a streetlight can hammer into my chest
Pounding, beating, every mile into my heart
Every minute ticking down, like time does best
Clubbing, whacking, deep angst into art
I channel the voices, channel the words
My only means of protest
And what I do best

Can I force you down if I try
Can I sink you down if I try
Can I repress you if I try
Until I'm blind
And I've forgotten why I tried

All these puzzle pieces of us
All these shattered shards
And stitched-up hearts
I thought I had validated
Their existence, by now
I thought I had evaluated
Their emergence, by now

But the sight of a streetlight can hammer into my chest
Pounding, beating, every mile into my heart
Every minute ticking down, like time does best
Clubbing, whacking, deep angst into art
I channel the voices, channel the words
My only means of protest
And what I do best

The very moment I'm away from you
Everything fades, like memories do
All the affection, thwarted transparent
All the confidence, gone insignificant
But when I'm curled up in my most malicious doubt,
Unwillingly neglecting what it's all about,
Every image of you that I consciously reject
Fights its way right back again
Finds its way right back again
Into my chest

And then, the sight of a streetlight can shiver through my chest
Shining, shining, every smile into my heart
Every minute ticking by, like time does best
Beaming, beaming, my longing into art
I channel the light, channel the world
My only means of comfort
And what you do best

POET IN THE JAR