I feel lost. Like I've forgotten who I were and I'm only slowly rediscovering myself. It's easy to forget who you are, in a world that gives you a million choices but no real options. It's easy to forget the bigger picture when you feel like you are just a haphazard collection of fragments, a puzzle of details that make an incomplete whole. I've forgotten how to be alone without being lonely. How to be a friend without being exhausted. How to listen to my intuition without coming across as selfish and proud and lazy.
How is it possible to feel so conflicted? Like you are torn between yourself and others, hell, like you are torn between your selves. Why does what I need have to oppose what I can have? Why can't I allow myself to just want what I want?
Why is it so hard to just answer your own questions to yourself?
Why can I never rest for a single moment? Why do I always have to feel like I should be doing something else? Could be doing something else...? Why can I never let myself feel what I feel, do what I do, and think what I think?
Do other people even consider these things? Are they just happy where they are, never questioning, never wondering; or are they just repressing their unhappiness so they can fit into a society that has no place for them?
Or am I just assuming that everyone else is a misfit just because I am one?
But surely, no one can feel at ease living?
Because if they can, I am living in an illusion and nothing is real.
POET IN THE JAR
