I'm dying to do some novelling work, especially since I read through a piece of Raven's making, it feels like it's been ages. I opened up the document the other day and just started to read through it from the start to you know, look at it with fresh eyes, so I know what it's all about. It took me about four pages before I stumbled across something that didn't pan out. It read something like "by the end of my first year there"... while a few chapters after that, it says the main character's been at this place for like three years. Don't even know how to fix that up, three years sounds like such a cliché... but then again, it's gotta be more than just one year or the story doesn't add up... and yet again, it might be best if the reader doesn't get to know at all how long time he's been there?
It's to keep that balance, peeps, between showing, and telling. One of the best tips on writing I ever got, and it was from the literary critic who criticized my manuscript after it'd been accepted by the agency. You gotta keep a nice balance between showing and telling. It makes a better narrative to show the character's emotions and thoughts by how they behave, and act, and speak; than to tell the reader bluntly. You have to involve the reader, she told me, and I've taken that tip to heart.
I know for a fact that I love those kind of stories best as well, so for me, the tip works fine when I'm writing. It's no fun if nothing's left for you to figure out by yourself as a reader. Which also reminds me of something Stephen King said about writing, that as a writer you must know ten times more about everything that's going on, than will end up being mediated to the reader.
Embrace my wisdom, people. Ha, ha... meaning, embrace these other dudes saying something clever which I am nice enough to quote and then half-heartedly try and pass on as my own in a late night blog post...
Another thing.
I know I'm not the one to pass judgment. And I know I'm not really entitled to react in certain ways when certain people act in certain ways. But sometimes... damn. I thought it'd be good enough to be honest. And I thought people'd be honest with me. Also... I didn't think it'd hurt this much. Guess I've learned my lesson by now... guess it's all fair by now.
Really... feels like I've been thrown right back into my old self. And I don't think it's just because of this, I think it's all the stuff that's been going on lately. Feels like there's no use in trusting anyone, and that I don't really deserve to be happy. I'm like that guy in that comic strip who's sitting on this nice little meadow, with flowers and bunnies and the sun shining and all, and then you get to see the inside of his head, and there it's all in black and in darkness and full of monsters... yeah. That's me in a nutshell right now and I dunno what to do about it, except piling up work allover myself so that there's something I can hide underneath... somewhere I can go.
What bugs me is this... that little thing... I know it's not much, but ... it made the world of a difference to me. I spent all last night feeling anxious about it, dwelling about it, I mean, I had a really nice time with my friends, it wasn't that... just that in my mind I was someplace else. Somewhere in the dark depths of me, that hole in me, just pondering. And wondering. And all awhile he... and... damn! I want him to be happy... but somehow, unexplainably, I'm scared to death this will lead to something, that he'll... that he'll... that it'll evolve, that it'll come to something more than what we ever had. And that's when I'll go back to being my old usual invisible self. My old indifferent self. Where all the flowers, and all the sunshine, and the bunnies, and the meadow, won't matter.
Cause I'll only see the monsters.
What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy about stuff? There are so many things to be happy about in my life right now, and still I'm always, constantly, unhappy, things I do cause me to laugh for a while, but the dark undertone is still there.
Friends, don't listen too hard on me on this, because these are problems I've had all my life, and I'm not saying I don't notice you. You guys make it endurable, and more than that. Don't know what I'd do without you, really... I'm glad you keep your faith in me at least.
Damn I feel egoistic... allright. Gonna shut up about my own problems now and let's talk about something more important and good for the common cause.
...
...
... so... what's up?
*hugs* Becca you deserve to have your venting time, I take up most of the sessions anyways. I understand the dark void that swells in your mind wherever you are. Fucksake, I live there every moment of the day. But for years I've let more and more sunshine in, its a tedious process but its working, there are setbacks, days filled with fears and terrors and tears but there are boosts like the magazine and alev's upcoming adventure and your chance at being published, thats what helps the most.
ReplyDeleteYou and Alev are like another family, you keep me going and without you both I probly wouldn't go at all.
Its like Stephen says the writer of the story sometimes knows less than the reader, you my friend are a writer, I am a writer, Alev's a writer, Nikki's a writer and Mitch is a writer. We all go along in our own story but so many know more than us, we are in the dark, dying and forgotten but every know and then a flash of light sparkles in our mind and we have it, everything comes rushing back in a golden glow (but unlike my story :P). In these moments you are free, in others you are in shackles and in a few you're simply in a thin corridor.
Keep your mind dark but know to open the curtains every now and then, until eventually the habit sets in and you're free, thats what I'm working on.
hahaha, now I'm challenging the master of long commentary
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Ryan. That second comment of yours sure made me laugh at least :D No seriously, you're right about it. I know it all goes in ups and downs and right now I'm going downhill. Don't know why... it just feels as if I've fucked up my life. And it's not easy for other people to ease it when they don't know what it is that I actually want, and guess what? I don't even know what I actually want. I change every day, every minute of the day.
ReplyDeleteWell, one positive thing that's come out of it all is that I'm throwing myself back into writing, so I'm embracing pieces of it, I guess... haha. :D
Yes, we are indeed a family, you're equally important to me as my 'ordinary' family, and you keep sticking with me just as much as they do. Although you both do understand me more than they do. =) I like the thought of us Overseas people, the Oversea family... miles and miles keeping us apart yet we're always so close in heart. <3
Thank you for letting me vent some of this out, couldn't bare to keep it in me. Besides, one of the things I that was behind this site to begin with was pouring all my thoughts and feelings out, and to do it honestly, without glamourizing it. So I guess I'll keep venting for a while until you tell me it's enough, to open that door at the end of the corridor and head out in the sunshine for a while... =)
fair enough, more than fair. I'll listen anytime, as long as there's something to hear :D
ReplyDeleteAwwwwww! You know we are always here to listen! <3
ReplyDeleteI don't think I can challenge you guys at long commentary, so I'll just leave it be. :D
There's no need to put in words what I know is there. Thank you for your support, sweetie =)
ReplyDelete