Wings of the Firefly

Seasons change, as does my mood. Yesterday, I felt like I was glowing... being around so beautifully creative people casted light on me as well, and my spirits were going eternally upward. But today... it's all been different. Might be the usual Sunday agony stopping by for a visit, or it might actually be - something. I'm not happy. I got everything you could possibly ask for, at the same time I got nothing at all. I miss the times when you could afford to make use of all your hours, completely devoted, completely consumed. Now I've been banished to an empty existence, a life in a shell, without meaning, without any sense of how many days or months have passed... without any grasp of the concept of time. It's just another series of eventless hollows, and I'm not as much a centre of it as I am a spectator, helplessly watching as my life glides off in whatever direction seems short-term appropriate. It's slipping right out of my hands, uncontrollably...
And you know what bothers me? I can't stand the company of myself. It's like being trapped in a room with the one person in the world you hate the most. All the time! Well, it aint actually that I hate myself, it's just that I don't like what I've become. Is this where I wanted to be when I was nineteen? There are things I should have done and things I shouldn't have done, people I could have met and people I could have avoided to meet! Places to see, things to do... taking the time to just be me. See?
Things aren't all dark, though. Sometimes, when you see a firefly among the stars, you can let it land on the palm of your hand for a fragment of a second, and watch in awe as it welds a permanent image on the inside of your eyelids... to watch and smile at every time you close your eyes and imagine the conteur of the fading stars... and the infinite shimmer reflected from the wings of the firefly.
Important! The Poet in the Jar would like to post a P.S as follows!
- Apologise for the gaps between my latest entries. That's what happens when your computer's capacity runs out. In contrast to my inspiration. Don't think that'll ever dry out...