Train Of Thoughts

Turns out, Nikki aint out until Monday, after all. He'll take the bus down to Gothenburg, or the train, or just walk, or something. And I spoke to Mum and it seems I'm going home to Mum and Dad's for a while. Couple days, nothing special. Probably do some laundry and stuff, while complaining about the lack of reception and non-existant Internet. But it'll be nice, though. Just stay at home for a while. Yeah, I like the thought of it.
Gee, Monday. That's tomorrow. And I'll be with Nikki again this weekend, most probably.
You know, there's a part of me that thinks this is all for the better and everything. If we move apart like this, spend the weekends together and stuff, I can start finding myself again, I can be stronger, like, all that stuff I've been going on about for ages. All that stuff that makes me want a place of my own, you know. But then there's this Doom's Day kinda part of me that's thinking, what are we doing, this'll just take us further apart, damnit, I'm so used to having Nikki around that it's gonna be like an empty space in me when he's gone. Maybe in the long run it might be better, yeah. And this is exactly what I'm trying to tell Nikki, that I think this might be best in the long run, but that doesn't make it any less tough at this very moment. He's gonna start a new life now, and stuff. And I'm just carrying on with my old life, like.
I want things to change, but I'm scared of it.
I'll just get accustomed to things. See how it works out, right? And then I'll change.
Then, I'll change things. See if maybe I can be happy somehow.
This is what's been said, this is what you hear.
This is The Poet in the Jar Diaries.