Shadow Of My Own

Darkness, I'll carry you.
You weigh more than you used to,
you must have grown.
I thought I could use you to chase away good,
but I misunderstood.
I should have known.
Illoyal darkness won't block the light
that lines the shadow
of my own.
_____________________________

And there it is. So sudden. Like a bolt of lightning striking from a clear blue sky... well, that oughta make me the meteorologist. Course I saw it coming, we've talked about it like a thousand times, and we agreed... we agreed it was best. And most likely, it still is.
So why this? Why these feelings, why these tears?
Why this sense of upcoming doom?
Counting from tomorrow, Nikki's officially no longer my roomie. He's picking up the key for his sister's apartment and by next week... he'll be gone.
I know this aint the end of the world, it's not like we're never gonna see eachother no more. He'll be at his sister's, I'll be staying here 'til I find a smaller apartment. If I wanna see him, I can go to him whenever I want. Some days he'll come to sleep here and we'll head for school together next day. I dunno, maybe it'd be better if he wasn't going to live with his sis, you know? It's not as if I can just come crash at their place if I feel like it, as would be the case if he was moving somewhere of his own. But yeah, I get the problem. I've tried to find some place to live in Gothenburg, but if you're looking for a first-hand contract like me, the queue is like 45 months. Yeay, see you there, like. Guess I know now why I've chosen to stick around this place, least while I keep looking. Sure, I'd love to find something in Gothenburg, anywhere would be better than this place, and damnit, I thought I would be one of the first to get my ass outta here, and I'm still hanging around, still dangling my feet over the same crippled water... I took this flat cause I was desperate for a place to stay, and I was just gonna stay here til I found something better. But I've lived here for over a year now, and still I aint found nothing else. Maybe I aint been looking that much til now, or maybe I just haven't thought about it as much as now... but everyone's leaving.
And I bet I'll still be stuck here when I'm done with school. In three and a half years. Kippie yeay...
I'm really holding my thumbs to have Jessi move in to town, that would make things a hundred times better. The way it is now, Elle's leaving for Australia, Nikki's leaving for Gothenburg, Johnny's off for Linköping, my sister's in Stockholm... all these places, they might be no better or worse than this place. But still. It would be nice if you could spend some more time actually studying without worrying about getting home and how tired you'll be when you do.
How the hell am I gonna manage another year of this? Another year of exhaustion and anxiety and sleeping on buses and staying awake til 3 in the morning to send in essays in time...
Well. Guess I'm just gonna enjoy my, what is it again, total of 10 days off before hell starts over again on the 23rd.
NIGHTIE from the POET in the JAR
PS. Got a really nice compliment for something I've written today. Made me blush all the way out to the fingertips, ha, ha. DS.