I'm back in Skövde for a couple of days and I'm anxious as hell. The regular old post-drunkness anxiety, mixed with that feeling of everything returning to normal after a hectic week. At least what's normal is better than what it used to be. Things are overall better here. I chose to come here. And finally I'm here. It's been exceeding my expectations so far, and I guess I should be feeling lucky, but currently I'm not. There's too much shit going on everywhere, people lying and going behind eachother's backs like fucking crazy. No one's honest. No one's happy. They all live in their illusion, and pretend that everything's perfect so that no one will question what they chose to do with their lives. Someone is a molester, someone else protects them. Liars cover for liars. People hate and love eachother, all at once, and everything is complicated. I'd rather not go back there if I could avoid it, but I need the money and I have a couple of days free next week before university introduction starts on the 30th. The money is my motivation. If there'll be any.
I took a walk this morning to try and clear my head from drunkness. Took a walk to the pond, stuck my head in the water. The rain had already soaked me through. It was cold as hell and fucking divine. If a one hour walk in the rain can help me clear my head then so be it. Unfortunately, I'd neglected to tell anyone I was leaving the house, hence having everyone look for me and my mom freaking out thinking I had gone to kill myself. Just the regular drama at the house... just as always. I feel like pulling the blankets over my head and not leave the house or answer the phone for like, a year. All I need for company is Dallas Green in my ears anyway...
Maybe I should go do something constructive now, like maybe do that cleaning I said I'd do. Or I don't know. Disassemble a desk.
POET IN THE JAR
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For Dust And Memories