That Wish

This place is familiar
I shouldn't have made that wish
As nothing ever lasts.

Diamond Tear

Just a diamond tear
Just by your fluttering lashes
and I fall for you again
and you're mine again
in my fantasy
where I was never the one
to hurt you

Pathetic

How can it be
that it still hurts
to miss you?

I know I'm pathetic
but I do

Just tell me
where you put

our dreams

I want mine back

How can it be
that I still

fucking

love you?

Drug Your Misery Away

So we're scared.
You're scared.
You'd do anything to prevent admitting it, but you are.
And so am I.
What else could we be?
When the world is too real for us to want to understand, when the universe closes in on us, when the nature of things pains us to the point that we can barely deal with it, that we can't think of ways to circumstance it.
Of course we're scared.
Just not that everyone'll admit it...
Not everyone will know it.
But it'll stay. It'll be in the shattered pieces of your heart, your laughter, the echo of your once so proud joy, spread across the bathroom floor, there to wither, to rust, to be washed away. Your problems are drained from your present moment, all of it disappears, being replaced by an outer satisfaction, being replaced by vanity and confirmation. You need others, that barely know you, that only see you for the appearance you have, to tell you what you're worth, without spending any time looking at your true mirror image.
The one reflecting your soul.
And so you delve deeper into shallow pleasures, pretend for one more day that there is a smile on your face. If you can't make it... you fake it.
Preserve the fragile happiness.
Your shell.
Stay Put In Your Shell,
Don't Let Anyone Drug Your Misery Away,
Let It Stay Where It's Been Spilled,
On The Bathroom Floor,
The Mirror Image Of Your Soul And Who You Really Are,
Greetings from the eternal being
POET in the JAR

Romanced To Be

The more I look,
the more I see.
Dream away.
I dream I'm free.
Something.
It's magic.
Reaches for me.
And I stumble.
I'm stunned.
Romanced to be.

Never To Retrieve

Fetch me.
Someone threw me out the window,
Never to retrieve.

Fuck My Luck

Argh, if things just for once were as simple as that, I would be happy. Called about the flats today, and apparently I can't put myself in line for them if I haven't made an apply for a new flat, and the only way to do that is via the net. But since I already live with this landlord, the password will come by regular mail and not my e-mail. Meaning, these two flats will be removed from the site before I have any chance of applying for them.
It just aint fair. I know it would be hard to get one of them anyhow, considering how many must be in line already, but it's not as much that as that I had built some really high expectations that are just falling apart. It don't lead anywhere. Not away from here, not anywhere. And I feel like I just wanna throw up when I see these walls around me.
And no one understands me.
You wanna know what Mum said when I called her? I was pretty upset, cause it's been two tough weeks in lots of ways, and this was just too much for me to take. And Mum tells me to get a grip, don't go crying like your sister does. And all the customers at work seem to be more important than me. Work in all seems to be most important. Like when I asked Mum if I could be free any longer than the five days I'll get next week. And she's like, course you can't, that's when Caroline's on vacation. And I just wanna know when it's time for my vacation. I've been free like a total of four days this summer, combining both my jobs, and next week is all I'll get. 'Bout a month ago Mum said we would make sure that me and Nikki got our vacation at the same time. That seems to have flown out of her head somehow.
And what really bugs me is, I want to be mad with her, be angry with her and yell at her, but I know she's worse off than me, and I don't have the right to complain, really. Today they stuck her throat full of needles. Turns out she doesn't have one lump. It's more like eight of them, and probably it's worse than they'd thought, or else they wouldn't call her back in so soon. On Tuesday we'll know for sure whether it's cancer. I hate it, all I wanted her to do was listen to me, I ask nothing more. All I get for it is, get a grip, don't go crying like your sister does. Yeah, and hang on, I got a customer, talk to you later.
In fact I'm just so worried that I'm angry, aint got the energy to feel sad. I've already done a perfectly timed imitation of the Niagara falls as it is tonight. If I could decide, I would just want to go back to when we were kids, when things were fine. When it was okay to cry and your mama had the time to dress your wounds.
Tomorrow morning I have nothing at all planned. I'm gonna sleep. To wear off my weariness.
FROM A JAR FULL OF WATER, THE POET SAYS NIGHT.

Baby Bird

Listen to me,
Baby bird,
If you want to fly sometime.
You can't stay in that egg
forever
although I know
it's dark and safe.
Who knows
what you may face
on the lilystrewn way
across the sky.
So the first time you fly,
We'll both go through it,
you and I.
________________________

A poem that literally flew out of me and that needs editing when I got the time to spare. Figure it out for yourselves, I can't do all the work for you.
Cheers.
POET in the little peculiar JAR

Start From Scratch

Give me faith
Give me strength
To this life,
That I rent

Those are the only words I have the energy to put here right now. Things are so messed up. I failed the Phonetics exam, knew I would, but seeing it on paper made it feel much worse. It doesn't bother me that I didn't pass, you know, it's not that, the problem is that I sure got enough of things to worry about, without having to study Phonetics again, from scratch. Besides, this means I have to reschedule my driver's license test, which sucks. Aaah, I dunno, don't even wanna complain to myself. Yeah... I'm gonna fix things up and it'll all be allright... I'm just longing back to when things weren't half as complicated and sure wasn't half as boring.
I saw the Firefly yesterday. On the bus. Heading home from work. I hid away in the seats in the far back and managed to get out of sight. I wasn't exactly looking astonishing, if I may say so, and that's the only way I want him to see me. Fireworks, baby, fireworks.
Nightie... Oooops... I mean, good morning... yaaaaaawn... Got a loooong day ahead of me... I'm gonna get started.

PS: You can't say I don't look awesome in my new piercing though... haha DS.

Dependent On You

What if it's not being dependent on someone that is the problem?
What if it's worse having someone who is dependent on you?
Having to be there and having to care.
Having someone who is dependent on you.
_____________________________________________

I love to sleep in your arms where I can't be harmed
So be there for me
And I'll be there for you.
_____________________________________________