Biding My Time

It rained yesterday, so we went to Danny's house. I had the benefit of being the only girl there, meaning lots and lots of attention for me. Yeay =) Too bad I didn't do this while I was single - it would have been a great hunting opportunity, ha ha. I met some new people who were really nice, among them a guy from Skåne. I like meeting new people, I'm an outgoing kind of person. It's got me thinking, though, as usual. I'm tired of biding my time. I want things to change, and I know what I want to change, but I don't dare to. I would lose so many things in the process to gain that one little thing that it aint gonna be worth it. But I dunno. Maybe it would. I wish someone would tell me what to do. And I wish life wasn't this grey all the time. I wish I could enjoy things like I used to. Now it's just nothing. I try to be positive but I get nothing for it. Mum says it's better to be negative because if you have expectations, they will only let you down. Why, thanks a lot for making me feel better. Whenever I try to be cheerful, people around me drag me down, there is no use in doing it, everyone's so goddamn pessimistic. And for what? Just to make sure it won't strike back on you? That life won't let you down? Well, it don't matter what you do, sooner or later life will let you down, and I'd rather face it having enjoyed all there is to enjoy, than facing it unaware of the good things in life, totally unblessed.
I feel as though I'm missing out on things. And as if nobody cares. I feel as if no one would notice if I just disappeared. I wanna get some credit for what I do. Like Mum, would it be so hard to tell me that it was nice of me to work for them while they were away? It meant I had to work for eleven days in a row. But I don't hear that. I don't hear anything. No thank you, no nothing. What about me? I want to be free too sometimes. When am I supposed to be with Nikki this summer? Thanks to our poorly synchronized schedules, we'll get like a total of five days off together. At the beginning it was more, but then I accepted the job at the summer school, which is for roughly two weeks. Nikki got three weeks vacation, and will be off at the Arvika festival for one week. You do the calculation.
I really need to write in my diary now. Gotta type down everything that happened yesterday before I forget. In all, it was a great evening... I just missed Jessi... If she'd been there with us it would have been perfect.
Nightie. Or Afternoonie, or whatever you wanna call it.
POET IN THE JAR says BYEBYE for THE MOMENT