Illusions and Dreams

Here's me, in my latest piercing. Total collection now adding up to two. Next project: A new place for earrings in my ear. Haha. Future project: Moth tattoo in my neck, for my 20th birthday. Anyway, get to the business, my friend, and scroll down.

Way to go. What do you do when you find yourself in between two friends? I'm not a psychic, or a shrink, I couldn't say which is better and which aint. Still, it kinda flatters me that they'd come to me for advice. That gotta mean I aint too bad at it, I guess.

I just don't know what went wrong in my life. With my life. I feel as if my whole personality has changed, probably because of these stupid birth control pills. Except for my sister, I don't know anyone who's gone through so much trouble with them. For every pill I take, I feel like I want to throw up, and get it out of me, this unnatural substance that affects how I feel, how I think, and every step I take; changing me from the confident person I used to be into this moody monster, whom I wouldn't touch if I wore a fire-proof suit. Not only does it affect me, but it affects everyone around me as well. It just aint fair, that I gotta stuff this in to me cause I don't want to have a kid when I'm nineteen and not even halfway through my studies. It just aint fair. And all the midwife will tell me is, 'well, of course you are not supposed to live like this, but we can't give you a coil since you've never been pregnant, and you can't get a pill free of hormones since you've got heart diseases in your family. Now, if you'd just try this kind of hormonal pill instead of your old one... Your body will adjust in a couple of months... and that might help you.' Why, thank you so much for your help. I just wish I could give it up right here and now, quit them, they're like a poison running through my vains, and I'm sick of it, so undescribably sick of it, not being me.

I'm just so sick of not being me.

And you know what. In fact, I'm sick of everything. Sick of being sick of things. Sick of spending time with people, sick of being alone, sick of working, sick of studying, sick of myself.

Only thing that makes me feel safe, is living on my dreams. I'll just keep living on fragments and pieces of Illusions and Dreams...

PS.: Solize, Bekilee, Inchoate, Leniency, Nightflight and Fireskies. More are to come. DS.