Crashing Down, Staying Down

I'm down. Staying down. My throat is more sore than a desert storm mercilessly tearing at you and I have some serious stomach pains. Fuck. Another day to stay at home, another day I'll miss out on. Hoping I won't have to cover someone's class after my lesson tomorrow, because I'll have wee bit to catch up on.

Another thing. I reached as far as 29,5K yesterday. That means I'm only about two days behind and barely that. The last two days I've written more than 2K a day and I think I hit my own day record yesterday, writing 3,1. I usually never do that. I don't feel like writing much now though. I just wanna use this day to sleep, to dream, to be by myself, if I can. Not even thinking of work or of anything.

I found this really, really amazing education that I got interested in... teaches you how to design in 3D and lets you make animated short films and create stuff for games and god knows what. No requirements except basic requirements and samples. The samples weren't even anything else than around 5 pencil sketches. I can do that... usually these kind of educations require tons of math, I just hope there won't be any of that stuff. Well, I thought telling Mum about this would make her strangle me, but I think she got how excited I was... that I was seriously very interested. I always wanted to go to an art school, it would mean so much to me. And actually she right away helped me and we discussed that maybe if I take this education I might be able to count that in as having studied art, if I'll ever become a fully fledged teacher. By then I might be able to count those points and have to do not much more than the pedagogics. That would really be awesome...

Really hope it works out. Gotta check it out some more first.

I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm an emotional wreck right now. Like finally everything just flooded the cup. I'm a sensitive person and I cry easily but it's been a long time since I'd cry like this. Like I can't stop myself, helplessly. Like the other day when I just burst out crying in the middle of our office. What was that about? I don't know. But it feels like I'm hitting a limit very soon, and crashing.

Crashing down, staying down.

Wow. Can't wait to get home to Mum and Dad's this weekend. It'll take me away from all this.
It'll give me some kind of break.

Cause I just can't pull it through much longer.