Last Day of May

Hio, guys. I've gotten sick. Again. Sleeping away all my time. Don't know whether I'll be able to take my driver's lesson today, but with the test coming up soon, I don't think I have a choice.
Worst part is, with this cold or whatever it is, I dare not do my piercing today as planned, cause of the raised risk for infections. Really sucks.
Better go shower and brush my teeth. And I'll feel at least a little bit better...
Cheers.

Wind-Still, Silent Grounds

A breeze of fresh air, a wind from the east.
Curing my illness, ridding the beast.
Try to reconcile myself, try to sail, just once more.
But the breezes won't be found,
on these wind-still, silent grounds.
______________________________

I had a really nice time yesterday. Felt vivid again, felt alive. Nice and fresh, straight from the sea. What could I tell you? It lifted my sails. Apart from the comment, 'Hey, I know you! You're the gas station girl!' it was one of the best evenings in some time. It'll actually be pretty nice going back to work next week. Ha, ha.

See ya soon, when I aint so tired and got something useful to write about.

POET in the bloody JAR
(Case you hadn't got that already)

Figured Out

Please, will you listen,
Will you hear me out?
I think I've figured out
what we both are all about.
Cause now you aint around
I'm nowhere to be found.
I'm so sorry I've enslaved you.
That I've wanted to betray you.
Cause I know now that I crave you,
Not the other way around.
Please, will you come to me,
Will you be my voice and shout?
Cause I think I've figured out
what I can't live or breathe without.
________________________________

Better go to bed now, would be kinda embarassing if Nikki came home from the pub at this hour and I was still up, playing computer games, haha. He's got me completely addicted by this Anarchy Online thing. I don't mind, though. I kinda like going into that other world, being completely absorbed by it and forgetting all about your own problems. Got my Doc, Leniency, a name that means mild and gentle, all the way up to level 11, and even got off Noob Island on the same day. So now I'm running errans in Old Athens. It's a lot of fun :)
You know, I try to tell myself that no one's gonna fill that hole in me, and it has to be true, since I can hardly bear being alone. But I can't bear being with others either.
Something scary happened to me yesterday in the kitchen. But I'm thinking it's too personal, and intimidating, to write about here. Who knows, Mom might even start thinking she's right about the reasons of my poetry.
Bye bye soldier.
Yours,
POET in the JAR
(With Open Jaws)

Simply A Vampire

I still remember,
haven't forgot.
If I was with you,
or if I was not.
I still could remember,
can't help that I would.
You were simply a vampire,
misunderstood.
__________________________

I know it's gone. Flown away. Never to return. But the thoughts of it trace me. Make things glimmer, make things bright. Strange how you can endure every passing day feeding from thoughts of the glowing, shimmering past.
I'm done with looking in from the outside, it's time to start looking out from the inside instead, starting now.
What if I said I don't want no imaginary friends anymore?
I'm the Poet, in the Jar,
Don't come near,
Don't go too far,
Cause I'm the Poet,
With screeching claws,
Myself a monster,
I'll open my jaws.

Trail of the Comet

Should I chase the fireworks,
hasting away,
just to see how it feels
when I touch them?
Should I follow the fireflies,
chasing the night,
just to see how it feels
when I join them?
I'm thinking I will,
yes, I actually might,
I'm hunting you down, Comet,
starting tonight.
___________________________

Can't wait until tomorrow... Something good is gonna happen, something really good. I can feel it. Like it's making my body tingle and shiver all over. Yeah, can't wait until tomorrow...
I had a strange dream tonight, or should I say this morning. I was on the bus, talking to the man sitting next to me, when suddenly he took out a sharpened pen and started stabbing himself on the inside of his palms. It was so unexpected, just flung right at me from the middle of a dream that to begin with felt so warm and reassuring. I'm so sick of that. Whenever you think things are looking up, something swings down on you, reaching for you, trying to trick your feet and make you stagger, make you fall.
I aint gonna fall, not now, and not for quite a while either. I know what it's all about. You don't have to build yourself a life out of dishes, dirty clothes to wash, dinners to cook, cats to feed, exams to study for, jobs to jump in at when someone gets sick. All that don't matter, it's unimportant. Your real life is who you are. What's in your head and your heart. Your thoughts, your emotions. And what you use them for. That's what's really you. No love will ever fill that hole in your heart. No company will ever make you feel less lonely. All that matters is you, and what you got in there, and what you can do with it.
I'm so tired of shallow people. Surrounding themselves with expensive perfumes and Gucci bags so that they can feel like they actually fit in somewhere, like someone actually cares. But you put your perfume on and walk the streets with your Gucci bag and see if it makes you happy. See if it makes you feel better. Or if it's just your satisfaction over being born better off than others. Born into a world where houses with neat lawns matter more than if an orphan on the other side of the globe will live or die.
No... I'm just sick of it. This. Everything. I'll live my everyday life and sometimes, I'll be happy about it.
But I'll always be different. Because I know.
POET in the JAR

Silly Me, Silly Trick

Firefly, oh, Firefly. As beautiful as the fallen sky. As always I'm breathless.

We went out to celebrate Jessi's 20th birthday yesterday. It was the summer premiere of Trägår'n, and you wouldn't believe me if I told you how many people were there. It took us 50 minutes standing in line just to get in, and another 20 minutes to get in the ladies' room. I hate those kind of lines. If you weren't sober when you got there, you soon became sober of all the heat, the mass of people, lack of oxygen, and drunk, unpleasant people dropping their stinking cigarettes on your jacket.
Half the time I had so much fun, the other half I was drunk and absent. When I fell asleep in the couch with Jessi and Danne, one of the guards came along and asked me, "How are you feeling?", looking at me suspiciously. And I gave him the most beaming smile I could forge, and said, "Oh, I'm just a little sleepy, that's all." "Okay," said the guard and headed off. I can't believe they didn't throw me out, which they probably would have, if I wasn't a girl.
I think I got tricked at one point, when I went over to the DJ boot to request a song. There were two guys standing there, the DJ and someone he seemed to be talking to. So I asked the guy next to the DJ, "Can you request songs tonight?" He looked at me with a smile and said, "Of course you can! ...If you give me a kiss on the cheek!" And stupid as I was, I did so, and then requested my song. When I checked back later, he was mysteriously gone, and the DJ had no idea what song I had requested. Silly me. Silly trick!
Haha!
The only thing bad about yesterday I guess, is that the birthday child wasn't half as drunk as I was! Shame on me... Should have bought her more drinks!
Poet in the Jar

The Darkness I Pace

Don't cast your light on me
It would be a waste of time
I'll still be pacing the darkness,
Under star-less, gloomy skies.
Don't try to lay those eyes on me
I'd only look down and turn away
Cause I know I don't deserve your love
Or at least not in that way.
So don't you try to enlighten me
It's only a matter of time
Before the darkness I pace races my mind
And I'm engulfed, swallowed up inside,
I can finally rest,
under gloomy skies.
_________________________________

The Poet's back. Back in action. Back in attack. The Poet's sick of having the Glass walls hinder her in every move she tries to make. Having the Glass blocking her every thought. Her every feeling. She read somewhere that some people enjoy being all miserable, you know, damaged, difficult and misunderstood. Whoever wrote that had obviously never been miserable.
But there's light in there. Somewhere in the tunnel. A light that hopefully doesn't come from a speeding train...
POET in the JAR

Stupidity, Stubborness and Denial

Something is very wrong with this world. Or should I say the people in it? I am almost lacking words to describe the incredible stupidity, stubborness, and denial, that some people possess. What happened to the golden rule, to common sense, to doing good? Suddenly I find myself naive for ever having thought that those things were even current on this planet. People who live in frustration take it out on someone else, anyone who's weaker than them, so they can feel powerful for once in their life, so they can feel the rush of complete dominance over an innocent soul. When you cross the line, you break her whole being, she'll live the rest of her life with constant glances over her shoulder and constantly denying chances to be loved, afraid that what you did to her will happen again. But hey, it's a win-win situation, innit? You get to feel powerful, first during the act of ill will, greed and desire, and secondly when the court frees you and you leave the inquiry room as a free man, able to do it again, and again, and a hundred times more, to a hundred other girls, cause you can be sure that they'll free you every time. And she gets to be taken by a man. Surely that's what every girl wants, right? Who's gonna believe a 19 year old girl if she claims the opposite? Imagine this. A man is walking down the street, adjusting his watch, when it is snatched out of his hand by a pick-pocket. Then imagine this. The thief is being charged, and his defence asks the man with the watch the same kind of questions they would ask the victim of a brutal rape. Were you flashing the watch in the open? Were you drunk when it happened? The defendant never heard you say no to having your watch stolen. Besides, is it true that you've been giving away watches in the past? That concludes it. You can only blame yourself for being robbed in that situation. Hear how ridiculous that sounds? Well, listen to this: Were you flashing your skin? Were you drunk when it happened? The defendant never heard you saying no to having sex. Besides, is it true that you've been having a lot of sex in the past? That concludes it. You can only blame yourself for being raped in that situation.
It's a shame for us all that this is the reality for rape victims in this country. Women don't have a say in the matter. Suit yourself if he mollested you, you were standing there in a mini-skirt, so what did you expect? Strange how no one tells the man with the watch that if he hadn't worn that Rolex, it wouldn't have happened. Geee, salvate us, someone.
POET in the JAR

Toolbox

You coming?
Wanna fix me?
Whip your toolbox out
and hit me?
Are you coming?
Coming with me?
So you can drink me,
so you can eat me,
do me and mistreat me?
I know you were never
the best I could find,
and I've done what I could
to rid you from mind,
But I'll still let you fix me
You're the only one who could
And my conscious lets me ask you
Cause I know you never would.
_______________________________

Meredith Grey. Said. Something. That. Affected. Me. She said that choosing between the man who was best for you, and the man who was the one, she would have to choose the one.
I chose the guy who would be best for me. My Pearl. Wouldn't ever hurt me. I am not even close to deserving his love for me. I should be happy, but I'm not, and everything leaks out here, I don't know how much longer I'll stand it.

Start From Scratch

Give me faith
Give me strength
To this life,
That I rent

Those are the only words I have the energy to put here right now. Things are so messed up. I failed the Phonetics exam, knew I would, but seeing it on paper made it feel much worse. It doesn't bother me that I didn't pass, you know, it's not that, the problem is that I sure got enough of things to worry about, without having to study Phonetics again, from scratch. Besides, this means I have to reschedule my driver's license test, which sucks. Aaah, I dunno, don't even wanna complain to myself. Yeah... I'm gonna fix things up and it'll all be allright... I'm just longing back to when things weren't half as complicated and sure wasn't half as boring.
I saw the Firefly yesterday. On the bus. Heading home from work. I hid away in the seats in the far back and managed to get out of sight. I wasn't exactly looking astonishing, if I may say so, and that's the only way I want him to see me. Fireworks, baby, fireworks.
Nightie... Oooops... I mean, good morning... yaaaaaawn... Got a loooong day ahead of me... I'm gonna get started.

PS: You can't say I don't look awesome in my new piercing though... haha DS.

Piercings, Tattoos, and Miscellaneous Pain

Didn't know I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky
Before
- Ewan McGregor, Moulin Rouge

Soon as my sister shows up, we're headed for Viking Studios, and I'm having my first piercing! I'm gonna put it in my eyebrow, I think it'll look nice. Nikki didn't like the idea... but you can't always please everyone, can you? Besides, there's a little punk-rocker in him that would love to have his girlfriend pierce her eyebrow and colour her hair black. I kinda miss my black hair! Gonna ask my sister to help me fix it back, hehe. She's having her second tattoo today, her boyfriend's name with an Omega symbol instead of the O, across the side of her foot. Ouch, that gotta hurt. Just when I'm starting to really consider a moth tattoo in my neck, I'm coming with her to watch how it's actually done, and I'm pretty sure I'll be as terrified as last time she did it. You just don't see all that blood when you're watching Miami Ink, you know?
If this piercing works out allright, I might just do another one in my lip. Don't know what's up with me, but I gotta do something, gotta keep those thoughts away.
Read about a guy today who ran into a car door with his bicycle, smashed his head against the concrete and died on spot. This world is so unfair! Well, I guess it aint worse than the boy who died when he was jumping on his bed and the window next to it was open...
"Gimme faith, gimme strength, to this life, that I rent"
Poet in the Jar

A Moth Reborn

"What kinds of people are there, Daddy?"
"There are all kinds. Even those you wouldn't think exist, exist."
- Me and my father in discussion

Some won't change. Some always change. Some have been the same all along, but you don't see it until you change yourself. You rearrange your life and the decorations in it. Ooops, there goes an old vase I used to like but suddenly find ugly, and wow, are these curtains new? I've never looked at them like this before. What I'm trying to say is that your eyes change, but not necessarily what's around you. I wish I could just press the contents of my life into a mixer and watch it whirl around, events replacing eachother, relations ending and starting at new points in time, appropriate points, cause what comes out is a perfectly blended, fresh-tasting smoothie. I wanna grab events from my past and put them in my present, and banish events from the present to the past. I wanna mess up my life, wanna screw it up so bad that God, if he exists, would have no choice but let me start over to make it right. And if that can't happen, I wanna leave this place and never come back, I could start over somewhere else. Another place would be my home, other faces would be my friends, I wouldn't be caught, I'd be free, and I would enjoy solistice for the first time in years. Out of imprisonment, out of your blue shadows, out of misery. Free as a bird, a moth reborn, I would fly... Fly and never land.
___________________________

A Moth With Ashes For Wings

Cheers to us laughers, drowning our sorrows in drinks. That's Fanny to the far left, my best friend Jessie in the middle, and myself at the far right. Pic from yesterday, when I managed to break yet another necklace, drop my bracelet in the beer, have my foot stepped on no less than eight times, meet and regret my Firefly, and once again fall in love with my now black-haired, beautiful, wonderful Pearl.
_______________________________

Funny I should write that yesterday... funny it should come to my mind. Later that night I caught sight of my Firefly. And a train of thoughts and emotions started pacing and racing through me, a chain of memories and glimpses from the past bursting into me, like a flood, a river, a jumbojet. The defences must hold. They will hold. They will not hold. I can still feel the fluttering of your wings upon my skin... I can see your shimmer, your fire, your light... I'm thrown back in time, to the first time, the innocent time... before you left me. There is no sense in this... none at all... There's no use in repeating your past, you'll only lose what you could have in the present. But still... it's a nice daydream. Trying not to think of how helpless a moth like me is when a Firefly like you has burnt my wings into ashes. Forever damaged, forever traumatized, you left only a shell of me behind for others to try and fill but always to fail. Cause even if our fire was short and intense, together, Firefly, we were fucking fireworks while we were on fire. And no steady glow could replace that...
Or could it?
- Poet in the Jar

Know Me, Love Me, Heal Me / For Your Sins

Know me.
Love me.
Heal me.
Hide me away and conceal
me.
Come so close you can feel
me.
Know me,
Love me,
and heal me.
You're the only one I'll let deal
with me.
The only one knowing what's real
with me.
Hide me away, put a seal
on me.
If you'd known me,
you could have loved me,
you would have healed me.
______________________________

Can't believe it. It's been almost a year now, and I'm still thinking about it. It's still sippering through my unconsciousness to appear in my poetry. "Darling" is still the word I use when I think of you. Tender emotions are still what I have for you, willingly replacing the fleeing anger and tears. You are the light that shimmers for me in the dark... for some unknown reason always steady in my dreams, never flickering. You are the Firefly that won't ever leave my mind, despite everything I've tried to rid you from my thoughts, to rid you from my life. Cause I think it would be best for me to live without you constantly accompanying my inner self...

For Your Sins

You wouldn't come
You always fled
You wouldn't come
The times I bled
You'd only come
When you would gain
You'd only come
If you needn't stay
When I craved you most
You'd turn your back on me
When I longed for you most
You wouldn't be with me
I've endured every second
I've spent without you since
Wonder what would'ave happened
If I hadn't fallen for your sins
You made me live my life like this
Always regretting
And desiring
That kiss
______________________________
- Poet in the Jar -

Intimidating-What-If-Scenario Land

I'm watching TV and I think I can see
No one needs to blindfold my eyes
Nothing they show me could possibly be
any worse than what I see at night

In my dreams which mirror reality
The world is distorted and flies me by
At times I sit myself up with a shriek
Just to find that you're fine and so am I

Don't ever want to sleep
Don't want these plaguing dreams
Cause even if what I perceive
is hard to believe
It feels ten times as real
as it seems

I'm watching you bleed and I don't want to see
Will someone please blindfold my eyes?
Cause what I've seen this far in my dreams
is enough for me to lose my mind

I've found you fainting, dying on me
Your face is distorted and flies me by
These times I sit myself up with a shriek
Just to find that you're fine and so am I

Don't ever want to sleep
Don't want these plaguing dreams
Cause even if what I perceive
is hard to believe
It feels ten times as real
as it seems

Love, when your reassuring arms won't warm me
When your soothing voice tries but just won't calm me
I'm waking up from the darkest of lands
Intimidating-What-If-Scenario Land.
________________________________________

Wings of the Firefly

Seasons change, as does my mood. Yesterday, I felt like I was glowing... being around so beautifully creative people casted light on me as well, and my spirits were going eternally upward. But today... it's all been different. Might be the usual Sunday agony stopping by for a visit, or it might actually be - something. I'm not happy. I got everything you could possibly ask for, at the same time I got nothing at all. I miss the times when you could afford to make use of all your hours, completely devoted, completely consumed. Now I've been banished to an empty existence, a life in a shell, without meaning, without any sense of how many days or months have passed... without any grasp of the concept of time. It's just another series of eventless hollows, and I'm not as much a centre of it as I am a spectator, helplessly watching as my life glides off in whatever direction seems short-term appropriate. It's slipping right out of my hands, uncontrollably...
And you know what bothers me? I can't stand the company of myself. It's like being trapped in a room with the one person in the world you hate the most. All the time! Well, it aint actually that I hate myself, it's just that I don't like what I've become. Is this where I wanted to be when I was nineteen? There are things I should have done and things I shouldn't have done, people I could have met and people I could have avoided to meet! Places to see, things to do... taking the time to just be me. See?
Things aren't all dark, though. Sometimes, when you see a firefly among the stars, you can let it land on the palm of your hand for a fragment of a second, and watch in awe as it welds a permanent image on the inside of your eyelids... to watch and smile at every time you close your eyes and imagine the conteur of the fading stars... and the infinite shimmer reflected from the wings of the firefly.
Important! The Poet in the Jar would like to post a P.S as follows!
- Apologise for the gaps between my latest entries. That's what happens when your computer's capacity runs out. In contrast to my inspiration. Don't think that'll ever dry out...

Phonetics Exam

Right. Another exam yesterday. I have no idea how it went. Well, I mean statistically it should be possible to pass considering the number of questions I answered, but then I haven't taken in account how many of them I took a guess at. What do you do when you get the question, 'which English consonant is described as a labiodental plosive,' but guess? I studied more for this test than I did for the grammar test, and still it feels as if went twice as bad. Yeah well, we'll know in a couple of weeks, no need to worry now. Just hoping I don't have to do the retake, it's been scheduled to the same day I've got my driver's license test. Aaaaah, I don't think I could say which is more important. Fail the phonetics course and have too few points to keep studying next term, or reschedule the driver's license test and not have it when I start working this summer. Have a pick.
Anyway, I'm having practical studies for the next two weeks, meaning nothing to study at all, so I'm happy. Finally weekends that are actually free, and when you go home, you can do whatever you like. Yeah I really miss working in that way. On the other hand it isn't half as stimulating for your brain. Gotta keep those cells working. I'm not doing this to have fun now, I'm making sure that once I get out there to work, I'll have all those benefits of working, plus the fact that I'll enjoy the actual work, that it'll stimulate me. This is my future I'm investing in. Doesn't sound that crazy after all, now does it?
Well, better rush. I gotta convince my boyfriend to take his eyes off the TV and go outside to do something fun in the sun, ha ha.
Greetings, from a long time gone,
Poet in the Jar
_____________________________________________

The Hysteric One

Now that I'm home, I'm sitting here, looking at this mess, trying to gather even the slightest little energy to fix it. There are dirty dishes everywhere and the newly washed clothes spread all over the apartment. My school books lying on the desk, laughing at me, too tired to open them, too tired to study for my test. I've slept all morning, and I'm still sleepy, it feels as if I could sleep through anything. That's all I feel like doing, anyway. Don't want to be alone, don't want to be around other people. And I'm wondering, why doesn't everything just stop? How can people just, keep on living, keep holding on? Not only is that what everyone does, every stranger, every unfamiliar face, but it is what we do as well. Mum does, you know, and that bothers me the most. We're talking about the difference between life and death here, and all she can think of is 'what'll happen to the firm if I stay at home, sick?' So she ignores whatever instructions or recommendations she might have gotten from the doctor, who is the one with experience here, and she just keeps on working, keeps getting up in the morning and goes to work, even with the cancer spreading in her body, with every breath causing her heart to flicker and her lungs to tighten. Part of me wants to just run home and hug her and tell her how much I love her, and ask her, who am I gonna call if you go? Who am I gonna call? You can't leave me, you can't, cause if you do, I wouldn't know who to call! And I would stay at home with her, and take care of her, so she wouldn't have to do anything. Another part of me though, just wants to slap her in the face and tell her to grow up and start taking some responsibility, do you want your daughters to lose their mother, do you want your husband to lose his wife that he loves above everything, just because you were too damn stubborn to listen to the doctor? Too stubborn even, to listen to your own family?
And then, it's this thing my sister said that's bugging me. We talked about all this yesterday, I guess to process it a bit, and she says, 'I hate that Mom thinks I'm so strong. She tells me it's so nice to talk to me cause I don't go hysteric like you, Bekki. But the second she hangs up, I always cry. And I cry like there's no tomorrow.' And suddenly, I go: 'I'm the hysteric one? I don't want to be the hysteric one. I don't. Want. To. Be. The. Hysteric. One.'
I know that's what it's like, it's not that. It's just that I've always been very different from my family in some ways. Like the fact that my family is very practical in most situations. And when something bad happens, we solve everything that need be solved first. We can cry later, be sad later, mourn later, when we got the time. I don't do that, never have, and it's always gotten me into trouble, especially with my Mom, who doesn't understand why I'm different, you know. Time stops for me. Everything seems to be unimportant, except what I feel. And I take time to feel. I make time to feel. Cause if something happens, I wanna be able to say that time stopped, that everything turned upsidedown, that I lived in slowmotion, NOT that I just cleaned it up and waited for the time to come when it was allright to mourn. Is it so wrong to feel that you gotta let out your emotions, instead of carrying them inside you, letting them grow so badly that when they go off, they're like a nuclear bomb, not only affecting you, but everyone around you?
I used to feel I didn't fit in in my family, and I wanted out. Now that I am, I miss them. Oh God, how I miss them. And I just wanna go back in time, wanna relive my life, so that maybe I could have been better. I, I just wish I had been better. You know?

Plea to Emma Carolina

Dear little sister
Dear little rose
Who knows had it been different
If we got to see you grow
Remember you so clearly
Oh why'd you have to go
The turn has come to us now
Just thought you ought to know
While daddy's growing younger
Mommy's growing old
The essence of her cancer
Tearing up her soul
We're hoping she'll get better too
So she won't have to go to you
But baby sister, if you see her,
tell her she is lost
Baby sister, point her back,
Point her back to us
______________________________________

I woke up this morning with the worst of feelings. That something was about to happen, something bad that would change me forever. At first I thought it was about my Nikki, and I was very reluctant to letting him off to work. Maybe the guy he rides to work with was gonna smash the car or something. But when I called him later on, he was perfectly fine, which almost worried me more. What if I had mistaken when guessing who it was about? And maybe I did. We don't know that for sure yet. They took a lot of tests off my mom, and who knows, it might turn out not to be cancer, it might not even be struma, maybe it's just that she caught a virus that swells the throat. Maybe I didn't even get her phone call. Maybe this is all just a bad dream, and when I wake up, I'll be in our garden with my family, everyone there, Ann Christine and Carolina and Mom and Dad, and we're fooling around on the lawn playing croquet, laughing at the cat who's caught a badminton ball.
Wake me up, when this crappy piece of shit-life is going for the better, and God doesn't slap you in the face every time you're thinking things are good.

Oxygen's Going Low

'Are you writing about us? And what's happening here?'
'Yes. I am.'
'So then the people in your country will read it, and come to help us?'
'No... I don't think so. I think people might read it, look up from their newspaper and comment on how horrible it is, and then go back to dinner.'
Conversation from Blood Diamond
__________________________________________

They blindfold a ten years old boy. Put a rifle in his hand. Demand him to fire. And he does. Not aware of the young boy standing up that wall, until the blindfold comes off and he can watch him die. Honourable as his accomplishment is, it earns him a promotion.
Congratulations, Kiddo, another beer and smoke for you, finish it son, it'll quiet your hunger. Now come to me if you ever need anything and I'll fix it for you.
When the most innocent and loving there is in our world, the children, are forced into the machinery of war, and the rest of us only dare to watch and let it happen because of fear for our own children, you know you're in the right place. This is Earth. You got the right train. This is the right platform, the right station, and you got yourself a lucky one-way ticket.
Time after time, the human race proves to be incapable of caring for their own people. We serve ourselves and nobody else. There are two ways of surviving in this world:
One. About Lasting. Go through your life trusting no one but yourself, and you'll know you'll last longer. You're not gonna be hurt by yourself. You're not gonna leave yourself or fight with yourself. If you build a solid self to begin with, what others do will not affect you, and you won't find yourself lost of track when they do.
Two. About Value. Live with the motto, if I am gonna die, I sure want to be happy with what I did while I was alive. You may not last longer, but the quality of life will make up for that. Let people hurt you so you know how to appreciate healing. Let people leave you or mess with you so you know how it feels when they are close. Trust whoever you want to trust, leave whoever you want to leave. Try not to lose yourself in the maze, cause it happens easily.

Pick one or mix them both. They are completely different but mostly they're the same. I don't care. Oxygen's going low on me, and I'm gonna do what number Two says, that is, exactly what I feel like. Go to bed. Yaaaaaawwwwwn...