Old Fool

Soundtrack: Wasteland (live acoustic) - 10 years

Why am I so scared? When I get this close to something real, to something that would hold. I paint scenarios in my head, where everything good will crash down on me, where nothing ever lasts. I'm afraid that I'll end up lonely, even more afraid that I'll find myself caught; even if I had chosen to be myself. I get anxious when people meet, fall, marry, give birth... every day that passes reminds me of the cycles in life, that we all just go through certain stages before we are supposedly entering the time to die.

You shouldn't listen to me. You shouldn't read this. I might sometimes be of the belief that I am alone in this glass jar, the only one in the world to see things clearly; that everything fades; but it's a lie. It's an intricate lie that has weaved itself all over my life, but that shouldn't affect you; don't let it affect you. All I have is empty words, words I try to bring meaning, but that only carries what I tell them to, what I imagine that they do.

Don't listen to me. I tell myself this is the truth. Because this is the truth that I live with, this is what I am told by the voices in my head, the voices in my mind. But it doesn't apply to you, please, don't listen...

I'm just an old fool ranting about burdens and worries, ranting forever in gloomy words, without ever being happy. I wonder if I am meant to be happy. It's like every time I have the chance to be, I mess it up for myself, or it is messed up for me... and I know half the issue is in my own fucking head, and I can't fucking help it.

Hell knows I tried.
POET in the GLASS JAR