Sagittarius!

Here I am again fellas, refusing to give up on my niche (completely random blog posts), the way that Karo refuses to give up on her niche (fan fiction) and DJ refuses to give up on HIS niche (various reviews). Perhaps it's like me and DJ discussed the other day, that we need these niches to kind of keep us afloat and give us a break from all that other, more serious writing; such as poetry and prose. My head has been crammed pretty full of prose lately and I think that if I spend another night dreaming about my own stories I will have start using happy sleeping pills or something.

Anyhow! School resumes on Monday next week, but for me, the Sagittarius; it starts on Thursday. Why is that? Didn't I say? Because I'm a Sagittarius and therefore I am overly fond of committing actively to hundreds of projects at once (I'm sure that Sylvi will recognize the syndrome) and I've got loads of stuff to attend and do before actual school starts, most of it having to do with welcoming the new first-years. On Thursday it begins with attending a planning meeting with teachers and a bunch of other involved students regarding next week's introduction; immediately followed by a planning meeting with the teacher responsible for my particular department (graphics); in turn immediately followed by the annual "fika" where students in the second and third year get the chance to meet with the new first-years before school actually begins. Then Friday, which is relatively free, and then we spin on to Saturday evening, where the, also annual, back to school festivity is held. Followed on Sunday by putting up the campus tents and meeting up with involved students for yet another "fika". Then, Monday, and not even then will I begin school; since I'm to be present at introductory meetings all day, including speaking to the new students in the graphics department and answering all possible questions they might have during the afternoon. Phew! You see why it's a little disturbing that I forgot my calendar at Mom and Dad's and can't write all these things down; but luckily I have a nice mother willing to send it to me by post.

I have a little mixed feelings about going back to school. I love studying what I do, yet I have a nagging feeling that I just don't have the motivation it takes to become good at it. I'm one of those people who had never tried any of this stuff before I got here and I'm still struggling with basic things. Passing courses will be possible, no doubt, I'm just wondering if I'll ever be good enough at it, to actually make a living of it. Only passing the courses isn't really enough within this branch. You have to really stand out and I have this impression that I'll never really reach to that level. What you'll think is, if it's just a matter of motivation, then make yourself motivated; but it's been proven before that it's not that easy, it can't be turned up from nowhere by a flick of a magic wand. Lately, all I have felt an urge to do is write. I can't even draw, whenever I sit down and try I don't have the patience it takes. At the same time, it'll be kind of a relief to get back to school and have a solid every-day life to revolve my routines around and not live as haphazardly as I have been doing all of this summer. Next summer I have to find myself a job, it hasn't exactly been ideal to survive the summer with part loans, part working under the table (and yes I'm not afraid to admit that has been the case). I keep thinking about that white house and about that typewriter and about having every day revolve around writing. I can't get it out of my head. It's impossible. It stresses me out beyond belief to know that I have three more writing contests to submit to still, and that at the same time I have to do all this university stuff; but hopefully I can pull it off. Hey, I pulled off Nanowrimo, and I think that's a bit (only a tiny tiny bit) bigger than writing a couple short stories, which are half-finished anyway and only need some additional work, the foundation has been laid down. I really, really wish I can take part of Nanowrimo this year, but I have absolutely no idea if it will be possible; I think it's at the time where we study our Animation Project and it's such an important course that I can't miss it for anything. I can't use the solution that I did back in Gothenburg where I could just skip some exams and redo them later. This university is quite different. Either how, I still wish there'll be time, and that I'll have energy for it; later in November. I'm convinced November will be pretty grey and boring in all other aspects... like every year. The whole reason everyone does Nanowrimo to begin with.

By the way it's totally cleansing for body and mind to sit down on my patio (that's what the dictionary says... but the word sounds much more fancy than the uteplats really is) with a big cozy blanket and a cup of coffee. I think that I'll have to make that a habit for as long as the weather allows it.

Off for what I hope will be the night where I finish translating Viveka's Tale and make some progress on my other writing, 

Sincerely yours,

POET IN THE BAR

...pardon me, that's supposed to be 'jar'