The panic attack that set in earlier tonight is finally wearing off. I can breathe again, although there is still a lump in my throat that wants me to pay it attention. I'm doing my best not to think of it. I don't know what caused it, it started very innocently. I told a friend of mine that I'm tired of fighting, that I just do not see the use, or the point anymore. She told me I need to pick myself up and keep going. Of some reason this filled me with panic. So many times I've picked myself up and gone on. So many times, that I don't have the strength anymore.
That I don't see the meaning in it.
I went to take my happy pill, swallowed it down, hoped it would keep the worst thoughts at bay. And then it struck, and I couldn't breathe. I got lightheaded. It hurt to draw air into my lungs. I tried to drink water to swallow, it didn't help. Tried a mint pastill for the throat, felt like I was throwing up. I tried to throw up as well, but all that came was thick slime, and it still hurt whenever I breathed. Went for some air, chewed some gum... nothing. Finally listening to some POTF songs and having some milk, then lying down and resting, made it untie. Now it feels better. And the panic has settled. I have eight work days in a row starting Monday and I know the only way to get through it all is to take one day at a time, right now all I know is that I have tomorrow off, and I want to make the most (read: least) of it. I'm just gonna hang around at home, sleep in, watch movies all day and be overall lazy.
Anyway... this post is sort of depressing me even more just by writing it, so now I'm ending it. I have some business to tend to before sleeping...
POET in the DIZZY JAR
this might sound cruel and inappropriate but I´ve been interested in panic attacs for year or so. I have this... constant "second life" fantasy world in my head and the MC (one version of me, or who I could have been) has a panic disorder. there´s just something interesting in there but well, I´m interested in psychology generally.
ReplyDeleteand one thing to another. I found actually a name for picking skin off :O it actually is a disorder or something, like OCD! it´s called simply skin picking xD or CSP. I´m not sure I´ve got it but it´s interesting to know that it might actually be a "real" problem.
and this didn´t have anything to with anything. luv you very much indeed <3
:o Wow, I don't think I qualify there though, since I like, peel off my lips xD But yeah anyway.
ReplyDeleteWell it has to do with everything haha. If you need some research done about that you can always just ask me :D love you toooo <3
peeling lips can be one symptom too I guess. I haven´t done that much research yet but I´m defenitely interested to google it few more times ;) but you don´t have to, I ´ll fight my own battles! xD haha ^^
ReplyDeleteHello, all is going well here and ofcourse every one is sharing facts, that's really good, keep up writing.
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