They're everywhere! It's like they're invading or something, or at least they're invading my mind. It's like when you could have gotten a dog and never did get one, you suddenly see people with dogs everywhere, taking walks, playing around, fetching toys, buying food; whatever is normal activities during the day for a person-with-dog. I'm not implying people are in fact dogs, or that the main reason to match up with a partner is to have them fetch toys and feed them (although the playing around part seems to be vital), however, the thought is the same.
I'm lonely, and everywhere there are the happy couples, like they're popping out to me from the crowd and looking at me saying things like, "You're insignificant", "You don't got what I got", "You're a failure", "You'll always be lonely"...
Truth is, for a long time, I didn't mind being lonely. Or rather alone. I didn't feel much lonely. That has been my way in life, always being on my own, and there's an artistic part of me that enjoys it. That likes isolation, that likes emptiness. If I am given enough space my creativity will always start to flourish, will always start to bloom. And a little space never hurt nobody (even if it's just an hour, in your room, doors closed; without, for once, anyone barging in wanting to borrow your PC, wanting help with their own PC, or just for you to join in on watching the latest Top 10 Sexiest Beach Bodies! on E! Entertainment Channel). Does it matter if that creativity comes out of bad things?
Quite the opposite... as always, the most beautiful and touching comes out of what is most miserable, and unhappy... something that never was, that should have been, something that never should have happened but did. And why? Because we know ourselves in flaws. We know ourselves as all but perfect. What reminds us that we're human, reminds us we're alive, reminds us we're all mortal.
I'm so antisocial right now, can't really face being with anyone. Since I redecorated my room I've just stayed in here, barely gone out. Everyone living here is complaining that I don't socialize and I'm just too tired to care. I even took to studying lately just to get a good excuse to isolate myself. Very rare! Right now music seems to be my only friend. I don't know why that is.
I feel weirded out cause I'm tired of no one being here and yet I can't seem to look anyone straight in the face. Want to come clean of every lie, ever told. And clear your charm of me.
FJAERIL in the PUZZLED POET JAR
the border between loneliness and beeing alone is very very fickle... I can be alone long times, I need to be alone with my thoughts. but sometimes it gets depressing. and when that happens, ha, all happy couples find their way to me :D so, I think I know what you mean :) cheer up my friend and keep going, it gets easier.
ReplyDeleteI know, that's just what I'm talking about. :) I need my alone time or I feel totally tied down, but sometimes... when you're yearning for something... even other people's happiness can sting you in the eyes. However, it is worse having someone near you that you do not want to be there, than to be by yourself. So far Rocco, you and I are lucky people ;)
ReplyDeletewe are ;)
ReplyDelete