Today has been so long and felt a little bit like an emotional rollercoaster ride. In some ways I've become very efficient in when to turn off my emotions, in some other ways, I'm more inefficient than ever. Just another one of those constant conflicts roaming in the back of my mind and perhaps a story for some other day. So many things going on in my mind right now, two things more than anything else. One thing - why it has to be so hard when someone important to you leaves, no matter for how long... Second thing - why you always have to choose between what you should do, and what you want to do. Choosing between your dreams and what's actually possible to achieve.
Off for late night pondering.
POET IN THE JAR
Monday, May 21
Monday, May 14
Speaking To Pages
What happened to my conception of time
When did minutes turn into days, into weeks
Every moment losing magic, losing shine
Can I mimic the real
Is the present mine
It used to feel like an ocean to cross
Like every passage took a toll on our lives
And every wave was a precious mime
Where thought wouldn't rule
Where emotion would thrive
I started speaking to pages
Started cutting through silence,
Through lonely rooms
For a while you felt alive
For a while I cut through my own
Designated gloom
Cut through the self-assigned
The realigned
The intertwined
I turned to another kind of journey
A journey that was only mine
I gave it false meaning
The original purpose
Redesigned
And I found I can't go on
Not when insights are based on lies
Everything artificial, even the most authentic
Of details, wandering my mind
I can't go on, if I don't speak to pages
If I don't speak to silence
They're the only ones who aren't too tired to listen
The only ones willing to accept my flood of words
Sometimes I have to speak into the moment
Sometimes I feel forced to share my voice
And they don't judge me
Although they never answer me
Or encourage me
Or really hear me
What happens to all the things I can't channel anymore
To all those fragile whispers that I used to share with you
What happens to my misdirected loneliness
That I knew I bought myself into
What happens when I speak
And all I want to do is listen
All I want to do is listen to you
But all I can do is speak
Speak until my voice is sore
Sore from all those things
Unchanneled before
When did minutes turn into days, into weeks
Every moment losing magic, losing shine
Can I mimic the real
Is the present mine
It used to feel like an ocean to cross
Like every passage took a toll on our lives
And every wave was a precious mime
Where thought wouldn't rule
Where emotion would thrive
I started speaking to pages
Started cutting through silence,
Through lonely rooms
For a while you felt alive
For a while I cut through my own
Designated gloom
Cut through the self-assigned
The realigned
The intertwined
I turned to another kind of journey
A journey that was only mine
I gave it false meaning
The original purpose
Redesigned
And I found I can't go on
Not when insights are based on lies
Everything artificial, even the most authentic
Of details, wandering my mind
I can't go on, if I don't speak to pages
If I don't speak to silence
They're the only ones who aren't too tired to listen
The only ones willing to accept my flood of words
Sometimes I have to speak into the moment
Sometimes I feel forced to share my voice
And they don't judge me
Although they never answer me
Or encourage me
Or really hear me
What happens to all the things I can't channel anymore
To all those fragile whispers that I used to share with you
What happens to my misdirected loneliness
That I knew I bought myself into
What happens when I speak
And all I want to do is listen
All I want to do is listen to you
But all I can do is speak
Speak until my voice is sore
Sore from all those things
Unchanneled before
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)