Friday, October 31

Victory?

Ok, not much time for posting, since I'm off to see a band close to my heart real soon... <3

But...

The 50,000 word limit has been breached.

Seems going home to Mum and Dad's works wonders for my creativity, he he.
But just as with the first one, although the word count has been hit, the story is far from done, and tomorrow the next one starts... not sure how to bridge this gap. I will probably let some time have miraculously have passed when GD starts and then I'll just fill in the gap in the end of MTE, haha!

Ok so out again peeps,
see you soon again

POET in the FREAKING HALF-DRUNK JAR
(As always)

Thursday, October 30

Glass Plate

Our seconds are fragile,
they're all beyond frail.
I'm the glass plate,
Be careful,
You spell betrayal.

Our moments are wasted,
they're not worth a thing.
I'm the table cloth,
You're the stain,
and the coffee ring.

I won't waste another frail second
closing my eyes to your embrace
Every time I awake again
You're still a traitor
And I'm still the glass plate

Broken

Stepping In The Rain

Same steps
As before
Just as heavy
Splashing in the pools
of rain
Same rain
As before
And same steps
Only a little,
only a bit,
only so much
more.

Stress is glorious!

47,300 words, approximately, and counting. Two more days to finish, 2,700 words left to write. Doable, right? Haha. I'd better be done by Saturday morning when Nano starts, and I'll have to have some sort of ending to MTE before beginning on the final novel.

Either way!

Just wanted to drop by to say hi... and gee, it's late.
POET IN THE JAR
Short of words, this once.

Monday, October 27

The Poet's Shout Out

This one is for you.
You matter.
You mean my world.
And my heart bursts
loving you.

Saturday, October 25

Gap?

Ok. Only 5 days left until Nano kickoff and I'm getting a teeny bit nervous that I might not make it in time... I have 9,000 words left to write before I hit the mark. Oh! And I just realized something else, that the story has to be sort of completed by that time, or it will be quite difficult continuing on the third novel right away... I might have to skip some parts of the sequel so that I can fill up the gap later. Haha!
Ok, gotta make sure to write some more if I wanna consider myself done for the day... Not much more time for dropby's here.
See ya!
POET in the Obstructed JAR

News of Nano

News from Nanowrimo says they've made a deal with a publisher meaning each and every Nano 2007 winner will be able to get one free copy printed in paperback form of their manuscripts. Kind of awesome, huh? I'm thinking that how ever it will turn out with the publishing deal I am so gonna use this opportunity. Nano fucking changed my life and I can barely imagine holding the product of it in my very hands, the very proof I pulled it off, saying so much more in my eyes than a diploma and a winner's picture ever could say.

Love you all.
POET in the JAR,
Miserable,
As Always...

Friday, October 24

A Red Umbrella

I'm weighed down, by the rain.
I walk with heavy steps.
Draining the world of laughter,
becoming ever soaked and wet.

And a red umbrella passes me by.

I'm tumbling, in the stormy winds.
Fighting just to stay down.
The world is drained of its colors,
the world has lost its crown.

And a red umbrella passes me by.

You're a stranger and you defy me
You defy all the grey that I see
You and your colorful up to date leaf

Under a red umbrella
You pass me by

On Top Of My Head

Totally on top of my head. Totally not tired. Totally swept away by the storm raging outside my window.
And I can't sleep.
The publisher got back to me today, hinting they would be interested in proceeding. They said what they can offer me is a so called Joint Venture Publishing, which is basically where I take part of the financial risk but get more part of the winnings. What would be safest to contract is a Traditional Publishing where the publisher takes all the risk, but they didn't believe they could hand that down to me (which might be understandable since they're in the US, and well, I'm not). I read it all through, don't know at all how to proceed. I just forwarded it to my agent to let her have a look at it and I'll decide something after she gets back to me, hopefully soon.
Meanwhile the mere idea of getting step by step closer to publishing sends shivers down my spine... and makes me on top of my head.
Totally not tired.
POET in the JAR

Tuesday, October 21

Under Your Leaf

Walk me by.
I'm not a storm cloud, raging.
I'm not the thunder bolts.
Not even the rain.
I'm nothing interesting,
I'm nothing but plain.

Walk me by.
I'm not a rainbow, doubled.
I'm not the golden treasure.
Not even a color, or a shade.
I'm nothing of value,
I'm a ghost in pain.

Walk me by.
I'm not a friend, fading.
I'm only under your leaf.
You held me dry all awhile,
but ghosts without value
all fade with time.

Walk me by.

I still didn't forgive you.

Monday, October 20

My Ceiling Sky

I let you in when I let no one else
Somehow you were already at hand
Because you took the back door in

And I couldn't predict you

I let you close when the curtains were down
You were the stars of plastic in my ceiling sky
Glowing for me when the lights went out

I couldn't predict you

And by now you're fluorescent no more
You're not illuminating my night
You took the back door out

And I couldn't predict you

I am the moth

You drew in
And made to ashes
I'm the nightfly
You let die

And I couldn't predict you

Sunday, October 19

Chained To Me

I'm worried about your piece of heart
Chained to mine
Everlastingly
Watching you as you corrode in the rain
As you torment yourself in your own pain
Believing you are destined to be

You hold in your hands your feelings
The life you lead
And even though you're chained to me
You believe you were never meant to be

I picture you this moment, your piece of time
Just as mine
It's ticking by
You swirl in your anxiety, in your night
Drowning yourself in your own veins
Believing you don't deserve to see

That you don't deserve to fly

You hold in your hands your feelings
and the life you lead
And even though you're chained to me
You believe you were never meant to be

I hold in my hands our feelings
The lives we lead
And even though I'm chained to you
I can't get through
And you believe I never was meant to

Saturday, October 18

For Once Be Real

I don't wanna be judged anymore.
Don't wanna be evaluated.
Don't wanna be assessed.
I just want to do what I want for a while.
Resting a little from your watchful eyes.
For once close my eyes, close my mind
and just feel.
For once be a being,
for once be real.
_____________________________

Found this just now while cleaning, it was in a school notebook. Think it's kinda decent, ha ha. Guess I wasn't too fond of school right about this time...
That'll have to do for now,
// POET in the JAR

Wednesday, October 15

Second Of Perfect

I hold fairytales and bubbles in my hands
Lifted you up here to preserve you
But after a second, under my care
The bubble bursts like I never was there

Why should I try to save you?
When you're going to burst on me
Why should I try to hold you?
Is that second of perfect worth it?

I hold jewels in my hands
Lifted you up here from the mud
But after a second, under my care
The jewels fade and there's nothing there
Not even a reflection of the sun

Why should I try to save you?
When you're going to fade on me
Why should I try to lift you?
Is that second of perfect worth it?

Why should I try to find my way to you,
preserving you?
Why should I make the effort?
Why should you?

The beauty will fade
The glitter will soon be gone
And all I'll have is to wait for the dawn
The magic will fade
The sparkles will soon be gone
And all I'll have is to wait for the sun
The sun

Why should I try to save you?
When you're going to burst on me
Why should I try to preserve you?
When you're going to let me down

Is that second of perfect worth it?
Is that second of perfect worth it?
Is that second of perfect... worth it?

Sunday, October 12

Grains Of Sand

There's something in those eyes.
In that voice.
In those fingers.
Something about the melancholy way that you smile.
The way I make you smile.
Hold on to me, in your desert.
Even though I'm not the hero you requested.
See the grains of sand with me.
And keep that something in your eyes.
In your voice.
In your fingers.
It'll be worth our while.

Loved And Lost

How can you be there?
You're supposed to be my twin
You were supposed to understand me
and let me in
How can you still be there?
I need time for this to pass
It'll take a few years
for my seams to be sewn back together
But never mind me
Go on, still carrying half my pain
I got temporary stitches
for now
and I don't want my loved
and lost

to you
to be in vain

Saturday, October 11

Addiction

I know I'm supposed to be grown,
I'm supposed to live for tomorrows
and plan my days
I know that you expect me to know
about things and people and who I am myself
but I'm not built those ways
I was meant to waste my time with drugs
Meant to waste my time with addictions
That's how I can force myself into the brilliant art
That's how I can tell my life and my dreams apart
I know I'm supposed to be grown
Supposed to plan my tomorrows
But I'm too caught up in the moment,
forgetting
Too caught in the present current
This second
Where all of tomorrows are far away
After all, our future is not much more than just
a long row of present seconds
And every time a new day breaks
it's just another present day that it makes
I'm meant to waste my time and my life
But I want out
Will you help me?
Will you be there?

Although you have no reason
You should leave me in my frame
And I'm guessing to you it's all the same
I'm only in your way
I'm meant to waste your time
I've tried being your addiction
Will you try being mine?

Drug Your Misery Away

So we're scared.
You're scared.
You'd do anything to prevent admitting it, but you are.
And so am I.
What else could we be?
When the world is too real for us to want to understand, when the universe closes in on us, when the nature of things pains us to the point that we can barely deal with it, that we can't think of ways to circumstance it.
Of course we're scared.
Just not that everyone'll admit it...
Not everyone will know it.
But it'll stay. It'll be in the shattered pieces of your heart, your laughter, the echo of your once so proud joy, spread across the bathroom floor, there to wither, to rust, to be washed away. Your problems are drained from your present moment, all of it disappears, being replaced by an outer satisfaction, being replaced by vanity and confirmation. You need others, that barely know you, that only see you for the appearance you have, to tell you what you're worth, without spending any time looking at your true mirror image.
The one reflecting your soul.
And so you delve deeper into shallow pleasures, pretend for one more day that there is a smile on your face. If you can't make it... you fake it.
Preserve the fragile happiness.
Your shell.
Stay Put In Your Shell,
Don't Let Anyone Drug Your Misery Away,
Let It Stay Where It's Been Spilled,
On The Bathroom Floor,
The Mirror Image Of Your Soul And Who You Really Are,
Greetings from the eternal being

POET in the JAR

Thursday, October 9

Wonderwall & Math

Gosh, I'm so beyond tired, my eyes... you wouldn't believe how sore. Just came back onto msn just to find that Al had already logged off. Miss you... I'd give so much to have you here with me right now. Just hug. Just be.
We've talked, today. Me and my sis. Wow. We talked everything over. Don't even know when was the last time we both took such time to open up those hearts, open up those taps, and let it pour, let it just pour out, all of it... and we bounced it with eachother, bounced it all on eachother's walls.
Wonderwalls...?
Feels like I'm a bit cleansed somehow, somehow more pure. Hoping it will take a while before the flood comes rushing back in on me again, before I'm struck by the feelings I can't control, that are out of my reach. It feels as though I don't know what the next second will bring, and it frees me in a way that I haven't been free for a long time; but at the same time the next second sometimes comes down on me without mercy, without decency. It just undresses before my eyes, for me to watch and join the ride but I'm not allowed to affect, not allowed to matter.
I'm only here to watch.
And so it is that I can laugh one second and have sore eyes from crying the next, how I can go from bossing in a classroom into shaking in the bathroom because it's all so much, it's so heavy to take. And still I always reply that people are ridiculous, the ones who praise me for my "bravery", that I pull it off. They don't know how far behind I am, or how frozen out I am in my coworker's team. Strange, because all the other teachers from the other teams are just so nice, so friendly, and always help me and answer my questions and they keep on asking me how I'm doing... within my team, there are just (let's face it) older people who simply assume that I am incompetent and who don't take a minute to try and actually teach me something.
I dismiss all this "bravery" that this job is supposed to take, I dismiss what you say of me that I am bold to go through with it and survive, but here's the secret... there's no choice, I have no choice. Either do this job or I'd be halfway to the streets right now.

See the math?
See the logic?

Yeah.
It's not a question of bravery. It's not a question of being strong. I just get up in the morning and go to work and see what the day will bring. Endless days... yet time goes by so quickly.
Woah, deadly tired... I have to go now although my fingers are cramping from not having written the words proper in like, two whole days... but I gotta buy myself some space... (tomorrow I am so skipping the conference, call it planned sickness or whatever you like... it's just not worth it with the team I'm in and the short amount of time I'll be there...)
Woah, goodnight, says
Yours Truly
Poet in the Jar

Monday, October 6

Anonymous Me

I've been black, blonde, red,
purple, brown, blue,
striped, in patterns,
short, long, with a fringe,
I've worn glasses,
I've had contacts,
I've dressed proper,
punk, rock, bohemian,
t-shirt, sweatshirt, short skirt,
dresses, jeans, jackets, boots,
different bags with different badges,
I've had a million faces at least,
and so I'm invisible,
I'm anonymous me.

Ivy And Romance

Mirror
What do you say of me
What do you say that I don't already see
There is nothing here
I'm just a reflection of the sun
Someone temporary
Not meant to be
I'm here by chance
Stubborn and stupid
believing in ivy
and in romance
Mirror
You say nothing of me
Cause I already see
that I'm nothing

Sunday, October 5

Sunday

One more night of hours
that I don't want to spend sleeping
One more archway of flowers
that are going to wither
One more time I lose my power
ticking for tomorrow
Inevitably
I'll crawl up here for protection
Weave myself a present time of wishes
in the rain drops
And you pour down my window
Down my glass
You'll take me any day
I'll leave my wishes behind
And enter your reality
enter regularity
After one more night of hours
without you

Fair And Square

I can be as glorious
for one second
I can be passionate
I can pretend to be
But you wouldn't waste your breath
on me
Because she's different
She's a blinding flare
So I watch you prefer her, silently
pretending I'm not there
fair and square
So bugger off
I'm in my own world again
I'm in my jar
and I'm not coming out

Saturday, October 4

Walk Backwards

Things change, things differ.
You grow, try to decipher.
Try to decipher the world.

Collecting colors through my tears,
my last ounce of happiness,
squeezed from my heart.
Amazed by the sky and the rainbow,
I'm clouded by my dark.

New waves, tidal times.
You grow, trying to find.
Find why you're walking backwards.

Your voice drifts away
Never glance back
Never stray

Walk backwards

Collecting colors through my tears,
my last ounce of happiness,
squeezed from my heart.
Amazed by the sky and the rainbow,
I'm clouded by my dark.

Walk backwards
Walk backwards

Wednesday, October 1

First, Second, Sold

Just about precisely one day behind schedule I just accomplished 25,000 words... half the novel, going, first, second, SOLD! to the gentleman in the green suit. I'm tired as hell of the words right now, just wanna close my eyes to them and shut them out, but... it's going well. It's going good. I'm engaged in my writing the way I haven't been for a very long time.
It feels good to have that revived.
Now if you'll excuse me, the John Blund express is waiting for me.
Good night guys.
Says,
The Poet in the Jar