Dancing On The Moon

When you spend time with cogs in life
See them run eachother all around
Stuck in chains with what I find
Dispatched, erased,
however bound down

I know I'm up for soon
Done for dealing with the moon
And I enter every debt

See the carousel keep spinning
Perfect circle every time
Pulled my seatbelt off while grinning
Unmatched, amazed,
however bound down

I know it's my turn soon
Done for dancing on the moon
And I enter every debt

How can eyes of a gargoyle tell
a merry-go-round from a carousel
I know the difference in the way they swing

But I'm no good for anything

I know it's my turn soon
Done for dancing on the moon
Time to pay my every debt
and still I enter every bet
I know I'm up before too soon
Done for dancing, seducing the moon
Walze away, my milky way
Bedazzle me the last time
I know I'm done for soon
Done for dancing out of tune

And I enter every debt

Disbelief

I look at her in disbelief
Is it possible she could be me?
She doesn't act like I would act
And never reacts like I'd react

I want to hit her just to wake her up
Is it possible I have made her up?
She doesn't say what I would say
And always goes another way

Don't tell me I'm her spitting image
It's the mirror's job to echo her face
She isn't strong, she's going to waste
As she pastes her lies, mimics my pace

What ugly tricks you try and play
Convincing me we're one and same
While I do all the good and right
The rest of it is hers to blame

She doesn't look at all like me
She doesn't do a thing like me
I stare at her in disbelief
Is it possible she could be me?

Essence Of Realization

The essence of realization
Keeps salvation
At a distance
It would be easy
If you were blind
It would be easy
With a narrow mind
Take my eyes,
I don't want to see
Take my being,
I don't want to be
All I want is naivete
For ignorance is bliss
And that's what makes it
Impossible to grasp
Simply cause I know of this.

Trains and Waves

I came like a wind
Like a storm,
swooping down on you
Draining you from your energy
And still enchantingly
Cause that's part of me

And like a wind
Tosses and turns
I play around with you
Toss your emotions,
Turn your devotion
Always in motion
Cause that's part of me

I'm the lightning bolt that strikes you down
before you get the chance to hear a sound
I'm what you watch in awe, wanting more
Leaving you puzzled, unsatisfied, torn

I came like a train
Speeding the tracks,
while you were tied
Pumping adrenaline
to maximize the thrill
Not killing you but still

Just like a train
Goes stubbornly on
I race straight towards you
Run over emotions,
Run over devotion
Always in motion
Regardless of my will

I'm the lightning bolt that strikes you down
before you get the chance to hear a sound
I'm what you watch in awe, wanting more
Leaving you puzzled, unsatisfied, torn

I go like the waves
Breaking the shore
Gone before I let you know
what for
Got to wreck another ship
And roam another sea
Constantly changing
is the core of me

I'm the lightning bolt that strikes you down
before you get the chance to hear a sound
I'm what you watch in awe, wanting more
Leaving you puzzled, unsatisfied, torn

And still you chase after me
Like I'm a flying kite
Hunt me like the comet
Lighting up the night
You've got to let go of me
I'm a wind and I will soar
Constantly changing your life
That's part of what I'm for

I'm the lightning bolt that strikes you down
before you get the chance to hear a sound
I'm what you watch in awe, wanting more
Leaving you puzzled, unsatisfied, torn

Leaving you puzzled, unsatisfied, worn

Icaros

Burn my wings, still gonna soar
Fly too high and I'll
soon be blind
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll be fine
Stop to think, you're gonna find
They can't take away
your mind
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll be fine
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll survive

I know it's far
And farfetched
But try real hard
and we just might
make it out

All in vain
It's all the same
Identical photos
in a frame
They see us

And at first glance
We got no chance

Can you look beyond?
Can you long?

Burn my wings, still gonna soar
Fly too high and I'll
soon be blind
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll be fine
Stop to think, you're gonna find
They can't take away
your mind
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll be fine
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll survive

Speed away
Go astray
Run fast, run hard
We're running out

Only stones
In people's eyes
Shade your own
with your hand
They see us

And at first glance
We got no chance

Can you look beyond?
Can you long?

Burn my wings, still gonna soar
Fly too high and I'll
soon be blind
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll be fine
Stop to think, you're gonna find
They can't take away
your mind
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll be fine
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll survive

Making friends with makebelieve
Trying to fly with someone who tried
And failed
Taking what I need to take
Making conclusions I need to make
Trying to try with someone
Who failed

Burn my wings, still gonna soar
Fly too high and I'll
soon be blind
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll be fine
Stop to think, you're gonna find
They can't take away
your mind
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll be fine
Icaros, Icaros,
We'll survive

Full To The Brim

We don't know better, do we? Why should we bother trying to see things through other people's eyes? Or embrace the realization that everyone's just as full to the brim of feelings as you are, and that the better part of the world will never know who you are.
They'll never care if you get up in the morning, or what you feel, or what you take your time to make a blog post about.
But why embrace that? No, that'd make things too grey, wouldn't it? Make things so meaningless. So insignificant. Make it too hard to keep going.
Get up, eat, go to school, eat, go to bed...
We'll just bury the thought, dig deeper into our conscious selves and stuff it in there, trying to look in a million other directions...
Looking out of our own eyes is all we know about.
We don't know better.
Do we?

Bubble

Why?
Do I do it?
Keep looking over your way?
Why?
Can't I pull through it?
Can't I let it be,
and walk away?

I only want to be friends with you,
and keep you in my heart,
but seemingly staying this close to you,
was not particularly smart,
but then again I'm not a genious,
apparently I'm less than that,
and that's what keeps me in this bubble,
busying myself with this and that

Why?
Do I do it?
Keep coming over your way?
Why?
Can't I pull through it?
Stop caring so much,
and just walk away?

I'm trying to make myself get over you,
I just don't know if I'll ever make it,
and should I honestly try to stay close to you,
I wonder how well you would possibly take it,
I never said I am a genious,
apparently I'm less than that,
and that's what keeps me in this bubble,
forgiving this, forgiving that

Why?
Why do I do it?

Come on closer,
pull me through it,
rid me of my despair
Help me out here,
become a ghost,
and I'll pretend
you never were there.

Inside The Glass Again

I'm inside the glass again.
My wings aren't buzzing anymore.
It wasn't you who closed the lid,
you never knew what it was for.
So I'm inside the glass again,
only due to myself.
I've made myself a shell again,
and climbed inside my hell again.
My wings aren't buzzing anymore.
It wasn't you who closed the lid,
but somehow you made it sure.
The lid won't budge,
So please don't judge,
I'm inside the glass again,
If only I knew what for.

Gotta Rush, I Got A Therapy Appointment

I'm standing there in the shower, just letting all that water pour down on me, pour all the bad stuff out, and it's like I'm being cleansed. Mentally, I mean. It's like therapy, surrounding yourself with that warm rainlike cascade of water. And for a moment it feels as though you're a blank sheet. You got it all sorted out, got it all figured out.
And you're filled up with energy.
I don't know why, but this is the case for me. Standing in the shower has some kind of soothing and renewing effect on me. Maybe it's got somethin' to do with the old days, when I lived at home, you know, the only place where you could really be left alone was in the shower. Sounds a bit off when I'm saying it, but think about it. Not even your own room, if you happen to have one, can give you the same feeling of calm, the same feeling of safety. And I'm not saying you should shower all the time cause it always gives you a boost. I'm just pointin' out that sometimes when you're standing there, you can take a deep breath, and hide away from the rest of the world for a little while. Hide away from those gazing eyes and interrogating looks... the accusations, never uttered, but constantly present.
And sometimes you burst. Like me. Like the other day when I was in the shower, I could just let all my feelings out, cause I knew I was all alone. And isn't that clever? No one will ever catch you crying in the shower, cause the tears blend in too nicely with the rest of the water...
Yeah. Well, today was a bit different. But it don't change much. No tears don't mean no feelings. And just when you think you're all drained of them, they strike again...

Close To Far Away But Far Away From Close Neighbours

A click or two, and voila. You've travelled to the far end of the world. You can see it all, and make all those dreams of yours come true, dreams you never pictured yourself being in. At least, that is, in the virtual universe – the virtual world. That's where you can hop from continent to continent in the blink of an eye, talk to people from every corner of the country and all other countries too for that matter; that is where the action is.

And we're never shy on the Internet. Once the stranger at the bus stop you'd never even small talk about the weather with has been turned into a bunch of pixels on a screen, he's become someone you can whip out all of your inner beliefs to.

Strange, isn't it?

We want to be seen, be confirmed, be loved, so desperately that we'd rather spend a few hours comfortably in our ergonomic chairs, hammering keys and fumbling with webcams, than take a few steps outside of our own doors and possibly run into some so-called actual physical interaction. Maybe we're all doing it because of something as basic as survival instinct. Maybe that's the key. After all, if anything goes out of hand while scavenging the net, all the effort it takes from is one little click, the little red cross in the upper right corner. And if that doesn't work, try the virus programme... or the power button.

In real life there aren't any power buttons. No where to click when you want out.

No programme to run to find and rid your harddrives from anything unpleasant infecting your daily life.

Is it really that strange that we seek our comfort in two-dimensional words, in three-dimensional videos struggling to imitate reality, putting soundtracks to our lives that will give you that ”right” feel? Maybe the only strange thing about it is that we flee the horrors of reality, the physical world, only into a world that's trying it's best to be a replica of just the same. An imitation, a mirror image, a newer, upgraded version, all bugs reported and fixed.

The Internet isn't gonna give us our utopia, or our haven, simply cause in the end of the day, we still have to crashland back into our dim lit apartments among our rainy streets. We keep searching for somewhere to stimulate the mind while our bodies are still strapped into the passenger's seat, no eject button, no emergency exit anywhere in sight. Life itself takes us for the ride, but we're all too distracted by the shallowness of our parallell aliases to watch the view. Instead we clasp our seats as tightly as we can, too afraid to fall out to ever enjoy the rollercoaster.

It's our survival instinct.

But is it all about Darwin? Are we nothing but primitive stone age people walking around with laptops and cellphones instead of sticks and rocks? Or is there in fact something else underneath, something deeper? The question can be asked a hundred times but doesn't bring us any closer to the truth, to the answer. We want to view ourselves in a better light than we sometimes deserve. We're not here to ponder, to think, cause who knows where that would take us? No, thinking is something we should avoid, and in time, we've become pretty damn good at it too. Diverting ourselves from anything that's difficult by engulfing our beings in the threads of the silky spider's web, yes, that's become our habit.

And why not? Who says we gotta live in the future? Or that we gotta unplug our Ipods every time we pass a neighbour just to exchange a meaningless ”hello” when taking out the trash?

This is us, this is what makes us different from the older generations. We're the Internet generation and we're proud of it. Give us your sugar bowl for us to fill and you'll find us locking our doors. Give us your hand to say hello and you'll find us already turning our backs.

We're the Internet interaction generation and it's all we know of.

_____________________________________________

This is an essay I just wrote for English writing class. I'm putting it up to illustrate just how stupid assignments we sometimes get. Write a 750 ord "practise essay" on how Internet has had its impact on society, ha! Ask a frenetic blogger about that and this is what you bloody get. Just gonna take out the contractions and then I'll pass with flyin' fuckin' colours. Cause they've stopped lookin' at formal stuff by now. They just wanna see if we got somethin' to say. And I do.
I always do, dammit.
So gimme another "practise essay", can't get enough of 'em. Hand me another one down the line. Cause of course I'm too stupid to just get the idea that you don't write blog posts the way you write somethin' like an academic essay.
C'mon!
We're already writing the C essay, why the fuck do we need "practise essays" to hand in as well? Just gives us shit to do and it don't lead to nothin'.
I'm sendin' it in now anyhow.
And I'll pass with fuckin' flyin' colours.

Street Teamer

I come on in here and the first thing that comes to my mind to write is that everything's totally fucked up. I don't know how it happened. I don't know if it really is. It just feels as if I'm crammed in a tiny box that's suffocating me and I can't get out. Wow, am I a nutter or what?
I've been pretty compulsively doing street teaming things for POTF lately. I've made a myspace-profile, printed flyers, made radio requests, emailed festival people, running around in town wearing my POTF merch, and other things down the same line. It's strange, but it's as though it's taken all my time and energy. I don't know why suddenly I've become so hardcore enthusiastic about it. Guess it's March 26th shimmering in the haze ahead.
Well. Came on without having anything to tell.
I'm down.
But I'm always down.
So it don't matter.
LOVE the P. in the J.
PS. And THANKS A MILLION to Ciarraxx for the sweetlooking header. I love it! DS.

Running In Reality

If you're naive they won't believe
you're equipped properly for reality
But I know my dreams are like a shield
and keep me running in reality
____________________________

Quickie post, popped into my head just now.
I'll hopefully finish it soon...

Fool To You

What the fuck am I gonna do?
Got any tricks or tips up your sleeve?
I should have been counting cards
or something,
tried to get a head start,
or something,
now all I know is,
I don't know what to do
All the same I'll be a fool to you

What the hell am I s'posed to do?
Would you slip me an idea or two?
I should have seen this coming
or something,
tried to get rid of my blindness,
or something,
now all I'm asking is,
What the fuck am I gonna do?
All the same, I'll be a fool to you

And I wouldn't care
if it was at least of any use

Memories Half-Made

I used to look at you
like I hated you
I used to wish you'd leave me
all behind
I used to open my door for you
and hope you would just get out
I used to run around this place
and clear it from your stuff
I used to put it all in a paper bag
and wonder why the scent
never washed off
I gave you my key
hoping you'd break in
I gave you my trust
hoping you'd abuse it
I used to love it when you tossed all my words
right back in my face
But now
I just look past you
Past the paper bags
in the hallway
and past the memories
half-made
Trying to ignore the fact
that we've made a life out of it
and we're both more invisible
than ever
I used to look at you
like I felt something
but now I'm empty
Now that hate
just aint
me

It Aint Fair

It aint fair. I've... I've really tried. And I knew that he was down, and I tried to cheer him up, and that didn't work... so I tried to tell him it was okay to be down sometimes and that everyone sometimes are... but he took that as ignorance. As me waving him off.
I told him my plans were to sleep on my own but if he was sad, I wanted him to stay.
This he took as me wanting him to leave.
It never matters. It just never matters what I do.
Either I do it wrong, I don't do it at all, or I overdo it... I don't know. Just seems as though it's never right.
Never good enough.
It aint fair.
I tried.
Well, part of me's upset about it, but there's another part of me that doesn't feel anything. And it makes me sad. It's like that Sounds Like Violence song: "We used to tear eachother apart, it felt good I knew that I was alive, but now we have nothing. You could come on and make me feel something."
And right now I don't feel anything. I feel nothing.
And it makes me sad.

Overwhelming Distances And A Lot Of Miles

Back from the big city, and very much glad to be. It's like, among all those people, you just disappear, you vanish. You know that if you went missing that very second no one would know, or care, cause you're invisible. You don't know anyone and everyone around you are always on the move to go someplace else. Never just enjoying the moment.
I don't know why exactly, but I felt kinda uneasy during my whole stay. It's as if the very core of my being just knows I don't belong there, and wants to repel me from being there, sort of. In one way it was good, though, I got out of this place for a while. And I didn't really miss it all that much. The overwhelming distance simply didn't feel overwhelming. Does that mean, A, either I've gotten a bit used to it, or B, that I've grown a bit stronger in myself and don't need to be at home, or around my friends, every second in order to feel safe? Feel secure?
I don't know. But as good as it might have been to go away, it was ten times as good to come back again. I've missed this town. I love it.
And a part of me gotta admit that it aint the funniest part of my life to hop along after my sis and her various boyfriends. (Well, she's been in a long relationship for a while, but now she's out and about again.) And there was something about this one that I didn't really seem to like. He was too, how do I say it, smarty? He really seemed to think he knew everything, and still he was real quick to use certain discriminating words about things or people he didn't like (words that I kinda sucked in that really got to me when I know they shouldn't). Maybe he should have thought of that before he opened his mouth. But they never do. It's not like I'm a genious but I'm at least trying to be a bit humble against people. You don't just blurt out certain words and expressions, who knows, there might be someone around you taking it offensively? I know I wouldn't wanna be called certain things, why should I call other people those things then?
Well, it might just be me, but that kind of behaviour of his, proves him more ignorant than clever in my eyes.
Not in my sis' eyes, though, she seems to think he's Mr. MacHeaven.
But I guess that's nothing but fair. She and Ruby never got along, now it's my turn to not get along with MacHeaven.
And I did try.
I really did.
I just don't have the energy to do it anymore.
And I'm sick of being the third wheel.
Cheers...