We Call Wednesdays Little Saturdays

Got some nice compliments the other day for stuff I've written, I'm starting to think people might be liking what I do, and it's a weird feeling. Hope it won't get to my head or something and dry me out. Couldn't have that, if I can't get it out in my writing, where will I?
I was talking to my friend the other day about being mad about things. I'm glad we share the same point of view. I really don't see why some people get upset about the tiniest of things, and sometimes it can ruin everything. I'm so tired not being trusted enough not to get that, not having a clear conscience over things I wouldn't ever consider wrong if it were'nt for some reactions.
Anyway. About yesterday. We never actually got as far as to the night club considering the amount of alcohol our host had got into him... in a mysterious sort of fashion... but I didn't mind, I thought it was really fun anyways. I think the guys must'ave poured like six shots for me or something... I wasn't gonna drink that much to start with, but what the heck. We didn't go out or anything so I guess I had to drink twice as much to make up for that. Can't believe I just said that! I should probably go do a "clean month" like Nisse, it would sure do me good! Well, best thing about yesterday was I found a pal in the host's colleague. Always nice to meet new folks, you should never stop doing that - I guess that's why I've chosen the profession of the teacher.
DON'T LET 'EM BITE, says the P. in the J. (You know what it stands for by now.)

Signs Will Lie

There gotta be a reason
For this bliss
Gotta be an answer to
Why this is
Is everything this hopeless
Is it just me
You gotta give us something if you
Want us to believe

There gotta be a promised land
Beyond this
Gotta be a place to go
From all this
Is everyone's world this small
What did I miss
You gotta give us something that is
better than this

All I find is what you left me
Emptiness is all I see
Where does this road go?
Lead me there and I might get by
All the help that you can give me
Say your prayers but they won't save me
Where does this road go?
Lead me there, I don't trust the signs
No, signs will lie

Take me to a flower field
To sleep
Make me a promise
To keep
And I will love everything
that I see
If you never give a reason for me
simply to leave

All I find is what you left me
Emptiness is all I see
Where does this road go?
Lead me there and I might get by
All the help that you can give me
Say your prayers but they won't save me
Where does this road go?
Lead me there, I don't trust the signs
No, signs will lie

Signs will lie

Oh Look, It's My Shoulder Dementor

I'm crying, and I don't know why. I should be happy about things... but I... just... aint. It's almost as if I've been thrown right back to the times when I was on the pill and my mood like an alcoholic rollercoaster. And I dunno how to fight it.
I just really feel like you don't matter in this world. No one knows who you are, no one cares. Although I surround myself with the best of friends, I feel so lonely, like a cold hand is grabbing my heart, squeezing all ounces of hope and faith out of it to feed on. It's like having a Dementor hanging over my shoulder, sucking out my joy and happiness.
I wonder what has happened to me, and to the innocence I used to have. I used to find things thrilling and I could be happy about the smallest thing. Now everything just seems so pointless, and I doubt that the stars and the sun can help me find my way out.
yours sincerely, the clinically depressed poet in the jar.

A CD, See!

I've just made a nicely blended CD that I'm gonna give my Nikki for our one year-anniversary! Well, I know it's not much, but I picked out the songs with explicit care and it must'ave taken me up to two hours, or something close to that. I've named it the usual way I name CD's I've made with special care: Carefully Chosen Songs, volume 4. Here's the playlist:

1. Alkaline Trio - Time To Waste
2. Sounds Like Violence - Nothing
3. My Chemical Romance - Thank You For The Venom
4. Strung Out - No Voice Of Mine
5. Less Than Jake featuring Billy - The Brightest Bulb Has Burned
6. Sunrise Avenue - Choose To Be Me
7. Tokyo Hotel - Through The Monsoon
8. Takida - Losing
9. Neverstore - Stay Forever
10. Daughtry - All These Lives
11. Stone Sour - Socio
12. 30 Seconds To Mars - From Yesterday
13. 3 Doors Down - By My Side
14. Green Day - Warning
15. Billy Talent - Fallen Leaves
16. POTF - Don't Mess With Me
17. Simple Plan - I Don't Wanna Think About You
18. Good Charlotte - Falling Away
19. Fall Out Boy - I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers
20. Linkin Park - Shadow Of The Day

So, whaddaya think? I like it, although some of these tracks should earn the reward of weirdest, and definitely longest, titles, not naming any songs in particular... Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go back to the important task of reading and crying over Roots by Alex Haley.
POET in THE jar

Tracing Faith, Tracing Fate

It's Sunday, stuff is all over and done with, tomorrow is a new week with new stuff to do, see and hear. New opportunities. Or something. If I can just keep my buzzing mind busy with anything else rather than what is desperately trying to pierce into my head, I'll be just fine. It's me and the cat, living our bachelor life here, watching the lawn grow beyond recognition into an exciting forest site. A place to play, right, Zorro? No bothering the perfectionist neighbour to the right, who, judging by the look on her face when she glances over the fence, is likely to report me for my sloppiness in the garden any day now. Well, I'll have plenty of time to set that right tomorrow, after the hairdresser's, which makes me go KIPPIE YEAY! By the way.
On to something else! Nikki came home early this Friday, luckily enough for the both of us. Since I went out Friday night and then spent Saturday at work, it wouldn't 'ave been much of a get-together otherwise. Well, to be honest... it hasn't been, either. Not that it hasn't been good or anything. It just makes me very sad to know that we won't get it back, the fire, the closeness, you know? The thing with us sharing everything in our daily lives, we won't ever have that again, now it's like, yeah, see you this weekend, or by the way, I can't cause I've got this test... Sure, I like being alone, and yeah sure, I can enjoy it. And I can think to myself how great it is to feel a little more free, and how much more fun it is to see eachother when it aint every day and all. But I wouldn't 'ave wanted it to be quite like this. I would want us to live, you know, in the same city, so that we could be apart when we felt like it, and if we wanted to be together, we could just head over to eachother's places, right? And it wouldn't 'ave to be big stuff, if he had to study I could just hang around and watch TV or something. I don't want it to be the way where we live in two different cities, an hour and a half apart, and he lives with his sister, who I don't wanna come barging in on disturbing her in her studies. I don't wanna have it this way where if Nikki's got a test on Saturday, he aint coming home for the weekend cause it's too much a waste of money and too much a waste of time, and woops, it'll have gone by two weeks before we see eachother. What will happen to us, to what we share, if we got this distance between us? I really hope it'll only make us stronger. No more than a week has passed by so far, but already, I am stronger in myself, I am stronger in the company of myself. One wise man once said that if there's one person you really have to learn to live with it's yourself, cause yourself is the only one you're guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. It's something like that, I guess. Though this wise statement says nothing about what happens to you in the company of others. I might be a bit stronger in myself, I might be regaining bits and pieces of myself, but when I'm with Nikki, it's as if all that just goes away and even though I know I'll manage once he's gone, it hurts me so much every time he leaves, I get weak, I beg him to stay, even though I think it might be better for me to have it this way.
I just don't think I got what I bargained for, with all this. I wanted us to live apart but close to eachother. Now it's like I'm reliving my sister's relationship with her boyfriend, living on two opposite sides of this country, and see what happened. They couldn't take being from eachother and even though she complains sometimes, she's still there with him now. I saw what it did to my sis when they lived so far apart. And although this situation might not be comparable, it is all the same to me.
I think sometimes I spend too much time thinking. Lucky for me there are those get-away-moments. Get-drunk-and-get-away-moments, maybe they should be called. Like this Friday. I had an awesome time, we played Mario Kart at home before we left, the obligatory warmup, ha, ha. And then we moved on to our favourite club, which has finally opened up for the autumn/winter/typo thing coming after the crappy Swedish summer. I dunno what I'd do without these times, without my friends, without everyone and everything that make my living worthwhile. You know, I feel like I'm cut in half, and one half of me thinks things are a zillion times better than they usually are, that's probably the part of me that enjoys coming back to school; and the other half is just so depressed, so down. Right now, I'm feeling down. It just feels as though whatever we do it won't matter, it won't make any difference, people are still gonna die from the wrong reasons and people will still use eachother and there will still be war, and you still can't trust people... you can't be that naive anymore, and the only way to live through it is to become a cynical, like. Why do we bother when things can end so suddenly? What will happen to us when we're gone? No one will remember us in a couple of years, what we love, what we hate, it won't matter, cause as long as we're not famous or something no one will listen. We have no power, we are just one of millions and millions of people that are all more important than we are.
I don't even know why we keep at it, it has to be because we're simply to afraid to give it all up, we're all too afraid to die. And at the same time I'm thinking all this, you affect me. All of your fates, they go deep down my soul, etch themselves there, leaving permanent marks. All of you... your fates... your desires, your fears. You people that I read about, that I watch films about, you people that I know, that I love.
My Mum always says there are only two things that are certain in this life, death and taxes. If I could change that hearsay it'd be more like, there are three things that are certain in life. Birth, death... and maybe, if you have loved, you'll leave traces in this world... Traces of hope, that the rest of us can hold on to when we're trying to trace our own fates. Now please someone, tell me that will be enough. Enough to keep me going for a while.
From the POET in the JAR.

Illusionist Dreamer

Just got off work, had to fill in a bit hastily, since I found out when school starts yesterday. I was home so late last night and got up so early that it feels like I could go to sleep this very minute and sleep for hours and hours. I'm thinking I might lie down for a while... Just close my eyes... for a second... Dream away, drift away...
I got this awesome letter today, from my sis. It had a notebook in it! A brown one, and on the front there's an owl that is saying: "Clever as a book". I almost burst into tears when I saw it, I will treat it very well and use it ambitiously and with care. Promise!
Good to be back in school again. Good to be second-year. When we signed up, there were a few new people in our class, and one of them thought I was born in -82, ha, ha. We had the same four last numbers in our social security numbers, but hers were from the year of -75, whereas mine were from, well, you know, -87. I kinda felt young and inexperienced and stuff all of a sudden.
Anyway. See you later, folks.
PS. I was thinking about the tattooing thing we're all doing in December. Well, my motive is still the morpho logo of Poets. But I'm wondering, if maybe I should put text on it too. Something like "Illusion" on top of it, and "Dream" underneath? Well, it's a thought, I guess there's always room to improve the tattoo later on in life. What are you guys having on yours? Dead curious. DS!

Meteorite

The first night'll be the worst night.
Then it settles and I'll be fine, like.
When the meteorite crosses the sky'n'strikes,
an empty crater's all you'll see behind.
You won't know what hit you
'til it's gone away and died.
And if you wanna see it flare again,
well I'll be glad to see you try.
Smash the craters to fill your holes,
and go bargaining over the price of your soul,
shoot your demons in the chest so you'll get
the chance to grow, though you know.
Whatever you do it won't make us flare,
if you stare at the sky the stars won't be there.
A passionate sky doesn't get revived,
there just aint no forcing of a meteorite.
________________________________

My Ruby Gone Missing

Right. So this is it. He's gone.
And I dunno what to say. I feel really sad, of course. But at the same time... there's like, a glimmer of hope in me. Like, it's gonna be tons more fun to see him on Thursday.
Yeah I know... I'm being ridiculous, making such a fuzz over him being gone, when I'll see him in another two and a half days, or whatever it is. But this is just the start. After this, who knows how much my Ruby'll be gone? I just hope we don't slide apart with all this.
Anyway, like I told him, it'll be fun, we could go dating again, be more like a dating couple. I've always wanted to date him proper. Before it's just been us livin together, not that much of hanging out on Fridays and stuff. I think I'd kinda like that.
Well, let's just do this and see where it takes us.
Dunno what else to say.

Train Of Thoughts

Turns out, Nikki aint out until Monday, after all. He'll take the bus down to Gothenburg, or the train, or just walk, or something. And I spoke to Mum and it seems I'm going home to Mum and Dad's for a while. Couple days, nothing special. Probably do some laundry and stuff, while complaining about the lack of reception and non-existant Internet. But it'll be nice, though. Just stay at home for a while. Yeah, I like the thought of it.
Gee, Monday. That's tomorrow. And I'll be with Nikki again this weekend, most probably.
You know, there's a part of me that thinks this is all for the better and everything. If we move apart like this, spend the weekends together and stuff, I can start finding myself again, I can be stronger, like, all that stuff I've been going on about for ages. All that stuff that makes me want a place of my own, you know. But then there's this Doom's Day kinda part of me that's thinking, what are we doing, this'll just take us further apart, damnit, I'm so used to having Nikki around that it's gonna be like an empty space in me when he's gone. Maybe in the long run it might be better, yeah. And this is exactly what I'm trying to tell Nikki, that I think this might be best in the long run, but that doesn't make it any less tough at this very moment. He's gonna start a new life now, and stuff. And I'm just carrying on with my old life, like.
I want things to change, but I'm scared of it.
I'll just get accustomed to things. See how it works out, right? And then I'll change.
Then, I'll change things. See if maybe I can be happy somehow.
This is what's been said, this is what you hear.
This is The Poet in the Jar Diaries.

Thoughts From The Trampoline

Here's me at Trägår'n yesterday. That newly purchased hat of mine, that I'm wearing in this pic, well, I think that was the most popular of the evening, judging by the way it was passed from hand to hand, or should I say, head to head, ha, ha. Too bad the pic doesn't show my shoes. I really love those shoes. Anyway, for those of you who weren't there, I can tell that the smile I'm having here is a slight drunken one. Or, allright, that's a bit of an understatement. It's a very drunken smile, and it got worse. There are bits and pieces of last night that I don't even remember. Like, Nikki says I fell asleep on the sofa when we got home. But when I woke up this morning, we were both sleeping in the bed. Other than that, I've heard that there were stuff said about me and done to me that I don't remember, and I don't know if I should believe it or not. Who's objective enough to tell me the truth? Gee, I kinda wish I'd had a little mini-cam buzzing over my right shoulder, taping everything, and then I could just look it through and see for myself, and just get rid of it. Yeah, that would'ave been freakin' awesome.
Overall though, guess I gotta admit it was quite a good party, not counting the possible misdemeanours. Well, a pretty damn good party, actually. It'll make me happy for a while to know that we brought these people together and that it worked out so well. After all.
One thing is it that's making me feel a little sad right now. Pretty sad. It's that Nikki's probably leaving as soon as tomorrow, while we both thought he would stay until Monday. His school starts Tuesday, so... I would'ave thought he'd at least stay til Monday. Well, well. Maybe it's for the better. I can go home and stay with my folks for a couple of days, I would really love that. I really miss staying at home. It'd be nice to just lie on the trampoline, read some Harry Potter, get some sun... It'll be like enjoying an actual summer's holiday. I think I'll do that. I can check with Grandma if she can drop by here and feed the cat like, once a day.
I'm gonna call Mum right away and check if it's allright. Then we'll see if we'll drop by that gig tonight. Hugs and kisses folks, and thanks for a nice night out yesterday!
August 19th edit: Got some more pics from Friday, wanna see?
These three were all shot by our beloved photographer Danny.



Jessi and Myself.
Apparently something is very funny?
Ha, ha.






Me, in a very doubtful shot. Not too fond of seeing my profile like this. Anyway, I wonder more why Nisse is so curious about my cider? Could it be that he wants to steal it?







Aaawww, what a pretty trio:
Danny, Sofia and Jessi.
I wonder where I was when this was taken? Mohaha.

The Banana Fly Colony

Darkness sinks itself upon Coppercoin Street 30. Time ticks slowly past the number 12 on the kitchen clock. Both arms, pointing straight up. That means it's night. Late.
And in apartment 90, the Poet is still up. Still standing strong. Fixing things. Mending them. Taking care of stuff that should'ave been fixed ages ago. Might as well do them now as any other time. And why not? She's awake, isn't she? So what if the Ruby's gone to sleep? He aint supposed to help her out anyhow. It's her turn to fix. Fix and mend. So she does.
Weirdly enough, things almost shine around the apartment. Rise and shine. Cause all of a sudden, the Poet's been struck by some kind of cleaning mania. Clean one room no longer means, pick up the dirty clothes on the floor. It means: pick up everything that is lying around. Sort and throw out with the trash. Move the remaining things to the next room. Spray, wipe, hoover, mop the floors. Wait til it's dry. Move the stuff back in, carpet on, and tadaa! Look how nice it looks. Well, with the existing conditions in consideration, snapping a shot of this home could almost earn you a place in the upcoming IKEA catalogue.
Wonder how long that'll last.
The most challenging thing so far has been trying to find out where all the banana flies come from. Seems they've built themselves some kind of colony somewhere. Most likely in the kitchen. It's had a funny smell lately, but the Poet's just figured it's the trash. Should take it out. But when she's done that, the smell is still present. So it's just down to tracking your old hunting instincts up, putting the rubber gloves on, and dig in.
The kitchen has now been transformed into a jungle. There are dangers everywhere, and possibly booby traps. Gotta be careful where you put your foot around here, and where you stop to rest. The Poet smells and sniffs. Looks around for a sign of the fly colony. Hmm... there's one. A banana fly. Tiny one, but still. If it's just been hatched, it should be staying pretty close to home, as not to get lost. The Poet pulls her ears back and starts sneaking. Slowly... don't want to wake anything. She lifts a leaf or two, looking under them. No success. This part of the jungle is still to clean to holster anything that would make them flies hatch like that. Moving on.
The Poet takes a deep breath. Never has she been so far away from home, and never has the jungle been so intimidating. Cause she's closing in now. She prepares herself with her secret weapon. Steps closer. Holding her breath. Another banana fly half-heartedly soars by. Dozing... means it's just had its meal. Should be very, very close by now...
And suddenly...
There...
There it is.
The Poet hurriedly covers her eyes for protection from the horror ahead. The nest is huge! Greenish, greyish, sort of spots all over it, and in and out of it, the banana flies are zooming, feeding from the long lost life of what has provided them a home, the long lost life of...
Spaghetti. Is that really what it is?
The Poet awkwardly steps closer to inspect, and seconds later, she confirms. This has once been a spaghetti bowl, ages and ages ago. Unrecognizable now, of course. Hostile, to anyone but the weather-beaten (oh yes. The Poet looked the word up. It is, believe it or not, how it is actually said.) rejects of society - the banana flies. It is a dangerous place to stick around at for too long, even for someone as experienced in kitchen fighting as the Poet. Something needs to be done, and quickly. The flies must be diverted... so that an attack can be directed strictly at the heart of their nest. That should finish them and keep them away, at least for the most immediate of future.
Dramatically gesturing, The Poet rushes towards the nest, shouting an own-composed war jingle while she does it, and the surprise element of her attack actually scares off most of the flies. But she is very well aware, that they won't be gone for long. They will see through her diversion, and the next step of her plan, and return with backup. Bigger... nastier... banana flies. She must act quickly, very quickly, in order to save herself from this cruel fate.
The Poet raises her secret weapon, flings herself forwards to the nauseating nest in her attempt to neutralize this disturbing threat, her weapon is raised to the very maximum height possible, she must act now, act now, save us, save us all from the flies...!
The Poet squeezes the trigger...
The former spaghetti bowl is slowly being covered in washing-up liquid. The foam is rising to the edges of the bowl. Then the Poet flips over the bowl, most of the nest goes down the drain. The rest she scoops up and throws in the trash can. Empties the trash can, takes out the trash, heads back inside.
In the jungle, things are quite still again. And not a banana fly to be seen.
All thanks to the heroic efforts of THE POET IN THE JAR. Thank you for reading this far...

Transparent, Like

Wii, seems there'll be quite a few people dropping by here on Friday. It's been a while since we had a big-size party at our place, so it'll be nice to do one real properly before Nikki leaves. Nikki said he wanted to have a good-bye-party, but I said NO to that. It'll just be an ordinary party, I don't want any official goodbyes, it's tough enough as it is already. I just think we don't have to make a big fuzz of it, that's all.
Things are starting to look up by some reason. I met with an old friend from upper secondary school today, and I kinda thought it would feel weird or something. Just because of the whole thing, you know? But it was really nice, I wanna see her again soon, actually. Guess we've all changed a lot since then, you can't expect everyone to be like they were, in some cases that's good and in others it aint. Some people stay the same all a while, and you can just see straight through them, they're transparent, like. Cause you know how they were then and they act just the same now. That lot of people, I don't wanna hang with now. I gotta be with people that matter to me, that I choose. You know, when you went to school you found your pals after like two weeks, and then you spent three years hanging out with the same old people. Maybe it's because it's hard to just jump out of a group and try another one when you're established in the first, maybe it's because it feels safe to stay with them people. You don't know what would happen if you hung with someone else, or rather, you don't know how to start being with other people. You know, "change is bad", and all that stuff. But when you think about it, a lot of the changes that's been in my life have been for the better. When we left upper secondary school I thought I was doomed, I had my sister's words "It'll never be this good again! You will never have this many friends again! So don't waste your time!" still ringing in my ears, even on the happy day of graduation. And it turns out, a lot of the people I've met after that, are better friends to me than any of the old pack ever were. I don't mean to discredit all you guys. A lot of you are awesome. It aint nothing to do with you, it's just that I'm trying to say I never took the chance to get to know you lot properly, and therefore, naturally, I find it better the way it is now. Logical, innit? Well, that's what I figure.
It'll be nice to see you faces dropping by on Friday folks, so don't turn down. I'll put you on the guest list so you can pass the guards, ha, ha.
EXCITING! RAVISHING! EXTRAORDINARY! says the Poet in the Jar.
(Adds in whisper: Well, only scrubbing the bathtub left before doing the dishes...)

Three Cheers For My Emerging Living Room

I'm tidying this place up, and slowly the outline of an actual living room is starting to emerge under all the mess. I'll finish stuff up tomorrow. Woke up so late that it aint hardly any use to fix it cause we're heading off for the movies soon enough as it is. Well, anyway, that's the best excuse I can think of, ha, ha. I even volunteered to give Nikki a massage (well, a lot more joy than trouble, as much as I love cuddling with him).
Hope this weather stays put, I'd love to go on that boat trip someday soon. If it rains, yeah, and I'm done with the cleaning, I'll head for the museum and check out some art. Been a while since I been there, and you know, you gotta keep your cultural aspiration in trim.
See you around. Maybe at the museum? Cheers.
THREE CHEERS, says the POET in the JAR.

Shadow Of My Own

Darkness, I'll carry you.
You weigh more than you used to,
you must have grown.
I thought I could use you to chase away good,
but I misunderstood.
I should have known.
Illoyal darkness won't block the light
that lines the shadow
of my own.
_____________________________

And there it is. So sudden. Like a bolt of lightning striking from a clear blue sky... well, that oughta make me the meteorologist. Course I saw it coming, we've talked about it like a thousand times, and we agreed... we agreed it was best. And most likely, it still is.
So why this? Why these feelings, why these tears?
Why this sense of upcoming doom?
Counting from tomorrow, Nikki's officially no longer my roomie. He's picking up the key for his sister's apartment and by next week... he'll be gone.
I know this aint the end of the world, it's not like we're never gonna see eachother no more. He'll be at his sister's, I'll be staying here 'til I find a smaller apartment. If I wanna see him, I can go to him whenever I want. Some days he'll come to sleep here and we'll head for school together next day. I dunno, maybe it'd be better if he wasn't going to live with his sis, you know? It's not as if I can just come crash at their place if I feel like it, as would be the case if he was moving somewhere of his own. But yeah, I get the problem. I've tried to find some place to live in Gothenburg, but if you're looking for a first-hand contract like me, the queue is like 45 months. Yeay, see you there, like. Guess I know now why I've chosen to stick around this place, least while I keep looking. Sure, I'd love to find something in Gothenburg, anywhere would be better than this place, and damnit, I thought I would be one of the first to get my ass outta here, and I'm still hanging around, still dangling my feet over the same crippled water... I took this flat cause I was desperate for a place to stay, and I was just gonna stay here til I found something better. But I've lived here for over a year now, and still I aint found nothing else. Maybe I aint been looking that much til now, or maybe I just haven't thought about it as much as now... but everyone's leaving.
And I bet I'll still be stuck here when I'm done with school. In three and a half years. Kippie yeay...
I'm really holding my thumbs to have Jessi move in to town, that would make things a hundred times better. The way it is now, Elle's leaving for Australia, Nikki's leaving for Gothenburg, Johnny's off for Linköping, my sister's in Stockholm... all these places, they might be no better or worse than this place. But still. It would be nice if you could spend some more time actually studying without worrying about getting home and how tired you'll be when you do.
How the hell am I gonna manage another year of this? Another year of exhaustion and anxiety and sleeping on buses and staying awake til 3 in the morning to send in essays in time...
Well. Guess I'm just gonna enjoy my, what is it again, total of 10 days off before hell starts over again on the 23rd.
NIGHTIE from the POET in the JAR
PS. Got a really nice compliment for something I've written today. Made me blush all the way out to the fingertips, ha, ha. DS.

Companions

How is it that you suddenly hear from all those people you'd almost forgotten about and who you thought had forgotten all about you? Well, I sure as hell aint complaining, but still. Plain curiosity. Why do folks do this? The cynical and kind of suspicious little part of me immediately goes thinking, what is it that they want this time? Cause of course, it wouldn't be because of such trivial reasons as, "it's been a while", "we should catch up with things", or even, "I miss you" - but because of more commonly distributed reasons as "I'm calling you because everyone else was busy". It might just be me. It might just be my head, but if, say, a cat you once loved that got lost chasing squirrels one day, would suddenly reappear - I think you'd be entitled to ask yourself the question why it's come back. Or at least where it's been and what it's been doing while it's been anywhere but where you've been. And if that little cat, now all grown-up of course, came back and asked you to love it again - would you? Would it be easy to just fall into your old self and embrace the creature without questioning... or would you remind yourself of how happy you been since you realized life's much more free and un-homebound without the responsibility you had to take to care for that pet? Well, once you've gotten over the mourning of losing it, that is. I mean, think about it. You don't have to go home to feed it. You don't have to spend time with it and cuddle with it and take care of all its problems when you always wish you could be doing something else. I guess it's simply the way that some pets are good, and some aint. Some will comfort you and support you all your life, and be your companions more than they are your pets. Other pets will be craving, demanding, sucking all the energy out of you, and soon they've turned you into their pet rather than the other way around.
So go on, little cat! Run away, chase the squirrels, try out what it's like to be free for a while! But when you realize there's no gold at the end of the rainbow, please, don't come crawling to me again. Cause I've got new ones. Pets, not really. More like companions.
More like actual friends.

The Poet's Set Free

The Poet's been set free, wii!
From today and on, except a few Friday mornings before school starts again, I am completely relieved from working! This autumn, all I'll be working is two Saturdays a month. And basically, that schedule is from now on, so until September, I can enjoy some well-earned vacation. So far this summer, I haven't had more than two days in a row off, I've been working two different jobs, starting right after school ended in spring, so it really feels as if I deserve this. Well, if I let myself have a qualified guess, I'll be climbing the walls within the week, ha ha.
Since today was the first day of my so-called vacation, I figured it would be nice to head out for a little shopping spree, and this is what it resulted in: an awesome black vest, two pairs of shoes (one pair of Converse copies, like, and one pair of ballerina shoes, black and white), a grey top, a black gangster hat, four movies (two for my sis)... yeah... that's about it, I think. I think Jessi found almost as many goodies, too. (When you read this, thanks for an ass-kicking shopping day!)
Think I'm gonna show all that stuff to Nikki now, I'll probably drop by tomorrow and say hi.
Behave, fella's, says the POET in the JAR.

You're A Puff Of Air (Why Don't You Fly Me By?)

You're a puff of air,
why don't you fly me by?
Why do you linger in a lock of my hair?
I'm sure you'd find more pleasure in puffing
your puffs in the kite over there?
You can't fly me like you fly them toys,
or make me as happy as you make them boys,
so go chasing the clouds where ever you see,
and be happy and live,
cause I've rid you
of me.

Hold Me Away

Paint me an image
of whatever you see
and sing me a symphony
so only I can hear.
Make me a feeling
that is just about me.
Make me a feeling
that is just about me.
Whisper your symphony
so it reaches my ears.
And just hold me.
You may.
Just hold me
away.
___________________________

Feels as though I got a thousand things to say, but when I open my mouth to tell it, or spread my fingers to type it, out comes nothing. Probably cause I'm tired. Please do with this poem while I rest my senses, folks. Night.

Tales From The Crystal Orb

I've learnt to live on fragments,
Shattered pieces of my dreams
I know how to get by
Lost in thoughts is how you get by

All the crystal orb will tell you
Is a shattered image of your life
I could have helped you get by
Beats me you made up your mind

And I don't know
Just why I do
But I might be loving your memory
More than I ever loved you

Thoughts of yesterday won't feed me
Of that I'm sure to agree but still
How's it that they make me hungry?
Lure me with water leave me thirsty

All the crystal orb will tell me
Is a shattered image of my life
You could have helped me get by
You were the darkest red but I
been colour blind...

And I don't know
Just why I do
But I might be loving your memory
More than I ever loved you
_________________________________

The warmest of greetings from the Poet in the Jar
Who asked me to post this lyric for her

The Very Last Butterfly

Here it is! Finally! The painting of the angel with doll and her replica, in completed form. They gather around the silhouette of a butterfly. The fluttering little creature looks so lonely, surrounded by its purple, vague glow, but still, it gives me the feeling of hope, cause it's stubborn, keeps flying on. I imagine that's why the angels came to see it.
The very last butterfly.

The Safe

And here's Captain, signing in again, as to not disappoint you guys with seldom posting. Now, let me defend myself and say that the hours I didn't spend at work this week, I've spent doing very much Jiggery-Pokery stuff, like at least one activity a day. Outdoors, even! All without alcohol, yeay! Well, if you don't count yesterday, I guess... but that was an exception. Besides, that was like the perfect level of drunkness, happy and a little oozy, but not feeling sick. My head's aching a little bit today, though, and in a strange way, I'm having an unexplainable desire to eat yoghurt. Someone tell me how that is? Ha, ha. All in all, I figure it was an unusually nice evening out, met a lot of folks I like and had a lot of fun with 'em. People - I love you!
I told Nikki about the safe I got inside my head the other day. You know, you got this place inside you, and whenever you feel like you're going to be sad, you just put all your sad thoughts and feelings in there and turn the key. And then, when you know you got them in a safe place, you can think of other things and be happy about it, cause you know you aint losing anything, you're just replacing them, for a better time. Well, he didn't react the way I woulda wanted him to, like. I think he thinks I'm manipulating my own mind, or something. But for me it aint nothing else but a way to channelize my thoughts, a way to deal with them, so that I'm more consistently the funnier-to-be part of me.
I wrote this little piece of something the other day and thought it sounded good when I sang it, but when I was gonna write it down, it was like it just faded away from me and I forgot what I wanted to say with it as well as how it was that I wanted to say it. But, here goes, before I forget completely. Feel free to make suggestions.

I hate how you are perfect when I got all these flaws
You would never step aside but for me
it happens from time to time
It happens that I slip while you know everything
about me, but still you are the one I see
when I dream

I'm sorry I can't be perfect but I miss you
Don't it matter? Don't it matter?
I'm sorry I can't be perfect but I love you
Don't it matter? Don't it matter?