Blanket Of Denial

Every time you resurfaced I shunned you away

And pretended you weren't there, you didn't exist

I've been too scared to even look you in the eyes

To acknowledge our brewing connection

I covered you up in thousands of lies

Wrapped you in a convenient blanket of denial

Every time you reached for me I turned away

I didn't have the strength to deal with this condition

I don't have the lengthened arms to fully embrace it

There's my old bravery that I've been trying to hide

Like I've forgotten how to control my darkest moments

How to face them directly and steer them towards the light

Instead I've been isolating myself from you

I've run at every given occasion

Like you were a contamination

In my system of classification

Don't remind me again that you're dormant in my mind

Always sleeping in the outskirts of my conscious thoughts

Don't show yourself again, now you've been successfully fought

Your return will only get you burned and caught

You don't know who I am anymore

I've become dangerous

You don't know me but I've learned every aspect of you

I know every clouded corner of you, every scar

I know how to patch you up and how to resist you

You've made that absolute, you've set it in stone

You've written it in the largest readable letters

Your greatest fear that I might miss it

That I might, for a moment,

forget that you're still alive

And I can tell there's something behind your idolized ideas

As it's seemingly impossible to treat you with denial

Every time you resurfaced I shunned you away

and pretended you weren't there

You reminded me again

And wrote those large letters

And every letter hurt

I was hurt by every word

Still, I can't seem to remember how to face you

How to look you directly in the eyes

I can't remember how to deal with you

Or how to reconquer my control of you

Still, the only thing I seem to be capable of is decadence

The only thing I can achieve under your influence

And I'll run at every given occasion

I'll run, run away

from depression