Just yesterday found out that I got into Uni. I got in. I was good enough. I got in.
And yet all the doubt that has struck me lately must have stained me. I looked at the words "Accepted" over and over and felt nothing but... uncertainty. A feeling that everything was rushing too fast for me to grasp.
I went to sleep, thought that in the morning I would have decided. I hadn't. When I woke up I was just as confused as when I went to bed. After spending half the night turning the idea around and around.
Finally, I knew I had to make some kind of decision. If I was going to accept my spot, I would have to move fast. Semester starts in one month. I still couldn't do it. I've been totally freaked since the second I saw those words.
Suddenly it seemed surreal. I had been hoping for these news for a long time, and now I feel empty. It's too soon. It's too much. And I'm not done here yet.
I asked for advice from Bunny. She said to me the very fact I was so unsure said it all. That I should stay.
I still wasn't convinced.
At last I took a yellow note and tore in two pieces. Wrote pros and cons for each option. It was a sudden match, very even. And I knew logic and analyzing wouldn't help me this time. And since my heart was striding in two different directions, there was only one thing left to do.
I took the two torn notes, put them in a cup and shook it. I decided before-hand I would go for the option that first fell out of the cup. And no cheating. I was so uncertain anyway.
Out fell the note with the scribbled headline "Staying +".
Fate.
One more year here, before I head off to my dream education. What happens this time I have no idea. It's my last year in freedom. Hopefully by next year I will have learnt paintbrush, and developed my skills. Put all my creative emphasis on the novel publication. And earned enough money to go and live and work in Canada for two, solid months.
Then I can go back just in time to start the semester.
Now remains only the issue what to tell Mum...
POET in the DAMAGED GLASS JAR
As i said before , Hon.. I'm still so happy you made it in! whatever you decide to do is completely up to you and no one else. Don't let anyone influence your decision. if you want to go to Uni, thats great! i will wish you the best of luck, but if you don't feel like your ready, and your so uncertain as you seem.. theres always next year, right? if you can get in one year, why not next?
ReplyDeleteeither way, just enjoy life as it comes, don't worry about things too much!
regardes to getting a job in Canada.. I can probably work my magic and get you a job where I work? :P We're always hiring both full time and part time..